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Practically everywhere you go today, if you listen
attentively, one of the most pervasive problems you’ll overhear people
discussing is that of their
“relationships.” You don’t have
to listen to soap operas or the afternoon television or radio talk shows
to get a sense of just how pervasive the problems people are having in
their relationships. You can listen as people converse in the grocery
story, car pool, or the cafeteria at work or school. You can listen as
people converse while you sit on the train or bus on the way to work or
as you take a leisurely stroll through the mall. You can even listen as
people converse while you eat breakfast, lunch, or dinner at the local
eatery just around the corner. From what people are saying, it sounds as
they are having all sorts of problems with their relationships!
Today’s celebration of Trinity Sunday is about
relationships and, in particular, how the relationship of God as Father,
Son, and Holy Spirit provides an image to contemplate not only what a
relationship is, theologically speaking, but also to contemplate what a
relationship requires if we are to grow in virtue, grace, wisdom, and
holiness as children of God.
We oftentimes think about theological concepts
like the
“Trinity” as intellectual abstractions far removed
and distant from the realities we find ourselves having to deal with
daily. Perhaps that’s why St. Patrick used a shamrock to catechize the
pagan Celts. Or, at least, that’s what the legend says happened. Even
an illiterate Celt could understand how a shamrock is only a shamrock if
it has three leaves sharing a common stem from which the shamrock takes
its life. Absent one of the three leaves or failing to share a common
stem, it isn’t a shamrock. Its unity is understood in the diversity of
its parts and its diversity can be understood only in its unity. Analogously, absent the Father, the Son, or the Holy Spirit bound up in
a relationship of perfect love which constitutes the one God, there is
no Trinity. And, without the bond of perfect love, there may be peaceful
co-existence but there certainly is no unity between the three persons.
A marriage cannot be sacramental unless God, who is Love, binds two
other persons, a husband and wife, together in union of mind and
heart. A father cannot be a father unless he begets a child and
what binds the two is love. And, so we can continue analogously.
As human beings, one of our deepest longings is to
be loved and to love others. It is as if God has
“hotwired”
human beings to desire and to need relationships. From the depths of our
hearts, we long to connect with other people and, in a perfect world, to
experience a depth or quality of connection wherein we discover
something more abiding and meaningful about ourselves, our lives, and
our existence. We desire and seek out relationships, then, to discover
more completely the mystery of who we are as God’s creatures so that,
in turn, we can give the gift of our deepest selves more freely and
willingly to others.
Our relationships, then, are analogous to the
relationships characterizing the Trinity. As we relate to others, we
discover more fully our distinctiveness as persons. We find that we
possess different characteristics, strengths and limitations, virtues
and vices, as well as different attitudes and reactions. And, as love
increasingly comes to characterize those relationships, we grow more
fully to be of one mind and one heart. We also forge one will that seeks
not our own good; instead, we find what is good for us by seeking the
other’s good. And, because love is present in such a relationship, St.
Augustine says, we delight in or at least are not bothered by
differences that otherwise would turn those we love into enemies.
In practically every marriage, in relationships
between family members, as well as in relationships between friends,
in-laws, neighbors, and fellow workers, problems crop up because
self-centeredness predominates. Individuals focus more upon what they
perceive will bring fulfillment than they do upon what the other truly
needs. Receiving, not giving, characterizes what people in this
situation call a
“relationship.” So does manipulating another
to achieve one’s own selfish ends. In short, there is no deep
connection between distinct persons because one or both persons has
decided that the
“I” is more important than the
“We.”
There is no union of mind and heart and no forging of
one will.
A relationship sounds so simple when it is
considered from the perspective of faith. But it’s awfully difficult
to confront ourselves with the truth that maybe we’ve perverted our
deepest hotwired desire and need to love and to be loved
into a self serving, one-way accommodation that we call a relationship.
For Catholic Christians, this is anything but a relationship and it is certainly
not what God is as a Trinity. In that relationship, Father, Son, and
Holy Spirit are so bound up in love of the other that each divine person
is of one mind and one heart and perfectly wills only that which brings
about the greatest amount of good for the other two persons, thus
perfecting each person and increasing what is already an infinite amount
of love present in the Trinity. That is why betrayal in a relationship
hurts another person so much and at such a deeply personal and intimate
level. A betrayal not only denies that God has created us with a desire
and need to relate with others. A betrayal also says,
“I really
didn’t and I don’t love you. I used you for my own selfish ends.”
That’s a very difficult sin to confess.
So, in light of what the Trinity suggests a
relationship truly is, what does a relationship require?
At the core of a relationship is the willingness
of distinctive persons to coordinate and to subordinate their feelings
and desires by according greater priority to the needs, feelings, and
desires of others. To build a relationship with another person requires
committing oneself to continuous self-denial, which requires valiant
struggle against selfishness and self-centeredness. But, it is this
continuous and courageous self-denial that transforms into heroic and
virtuous self-giving what otherwise would degenerate into selfish
self-centeredness. That is why every true relationship—like good a
marriage, a rich family life, or a deep friendship—boasts at least two
individuals who are personally and deeply committed to continuous
self-denial. Why? Because self-denial is what evidences God’s love
abiding in one’s heart.
Have you found yourself complaining about your
relationships recently? Are you feeling lonely, isolated, and perhaps
desolate because nothing gives you happiness? Do you long to connect and
reconnect with people? Does what other people are saying about their
relationships sound like the story of your life?
If so, that’s good because God has created each
and every one of us in His divine image and likeness. And, on this
Trinity Sunday, as we contemplate the nature of God as a Trinity of
three persons, we recall that God has hotwired us to
discover our excellence and perfection as persons—just as the Father,
the Son, and the Holy Spirit discover their excellence and perfection as
distinct persons—through relationships. If we are to do this, however,
we need to grow in continuous, courageous, and generous self-giving and
to confess any failure to do that in our relationships. That’s the bad
news.
The good news is that through our relationships we
can become one with others and experience the peace and the unity of the
Godhead itself. God isn’t found
“up here”
in our mental
abstractions but
“down here”
in the depths of our hearts. And,
the experience of the peace and unity of the Godhead will be ours as we
work at giving the gift of God’s love present in our hearts away freely
and generously in our relationships.
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HOMILY
