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When I arrived at my
sister’s house last Monday to celebrate Christmas with her husband and
family, one of my nephews told me that he wanted to ask me some
questions about the Catholic Church. So, we decided that we would talk
after dinner on Christmas day. And, sure enough, immediately following
Christmas dinner and after clearing the table, standing right in the
middle of the kitchen was my nephew who put his questions directly to
me.
He was interested in
knowing about lots of complicated religious and theological topics. For
example, he wanted to know about the essential differences between the
Catholic Church and other non-Catholic religious denominations. He also
wanted to know why Catholics maintain that Christ is truly present in
the Eucharist. He was interested in understanding this thing called
“tradition” and why it is so crucial for Catholics. He was a little
perturbed with my “exclusivity” when I told him that there is a “true
religion” and why, for me, that is found only in the Roman Catholic
Church.
After about forty
five minutes of give and take on these and other subjects, my nephew
asked me in a somewhat demoralized tone of upset, “Why doesn’t anyone
tell us this stuff? I’ve gone to Catholic elementary school and high
school. I attend a Catholic university. I go to Church on Sundays.
Why don’t they tell us this stuff?”
When my nephew said
that, I remembered some engaged couples I have worked with over the
years who have put the same question to me. As part of the preparation
for marriage, I make every couple read Pope John Paul II’s encyclical
about marriage, family, and raising children. Most couples don’t
particularly relish that requirement but, after plodding through the
document, many of the couples¾but
certainly not all of them¾tell
me that they have found the document to be helpful not only in thinking
about their marriage as a sacrament but also about how their family life
can be a witness to the Sacrament of Marriage. Just like my nephew
asked me after I answered his questions about the Catholic faith on
Christmas day, it has not been unusual for engaged couples after
studying the encyclical to ask me, “Why hasn’t anyone told us this
stuff?”
That’s a very good
question. Why aren’t parents, religion teachers, and pastors teaching
this stuff?
On this Feast of the
Holy Family, I thought it might be good to detail what the Church
intends to convey by celebrating today’s feast because it has very much
to teach us about marriage as a sacrament and how it relates to
promoting holiness in our families. Reflecting upon Joseph and Mary’s
relationship, today’s feast challenges us, in particular, to understand
better spousal relationships and how crucial these are in building
sacramental marriages and holy families.
Believe it or not,
Joseph, Mary, and Jesus were just as busy as husbands, wives, and kids
are today. While Joseph, Mary, and Jesus may not have had email and
instant messages to answer or cell phones ringing at every hour of the
day and night, they did have to make and to do almost everything by
hand.
Take, for example,
something as ordinary as having bread on the table for lunch or dinner.
Each day, someone¾probably
Mary¾had
to make bread because there were no preservatives to keep baked goods
fresh for more than one day. However, in Jesus’ day, there were no
supermarkets where people could drive to purchase baked goods, like
bread. Instead, Joseph, Mary, or Jesus had to walk or take the donkey
to the marketplace to purchase whole grain. Then, after bringing the
grain home, someone¾probably
Joseph or Jesus when he became a youngster¾would
grind the grain and sift out the flour. But, before anyone could make
the dough, somebody¾probably
Joseph, that is, until Jesus was big enough¾had
to go and draw water from the well located in the center of the town so
that the water could be mixed with the flour and kneaded into dough.
And, since there were no ovens, the dough had to be baked in an open
hearth. But, if there was going to be a fire to bake the dough, someone¾once
again, most likely, Joseph, that is, until Jesus was old enough and
demonstrated the self-responsibility needed to be able to perform this
chore by himself¾had
to go out and cut, gather, and prepare kindling and logs for burning in
the hearth.
Without doubt,
Joseph and Mary as well as their son, Jesus, were busy people. Each
week, not only were there the ordinary jobs and responsibilities that
had to be completed so that the bills could be paid and food put on the
table. In addition, there were many boring and tedious chores¾like
purchasing the grain, grinding it, getting the water, bundling the
kindling, and gathering logs¾that
someone had to perform before anyone could do what he or she wanted to
do.
Given everything
that had to be done, we might be tempted to believe that doing one’s
chores without any bickering made this family “special” in such a way
that the Church calls it “The Holy Family” and celebrates its memory
each year on the Sunday following Christmas. That might make a fine
homily. Parents would certainly enjoy hearing that one and, after mass,
say “Did you hear what Fr. Jacobs said? So, a good resolution would be
to do your chores without any bickering.” And, hearing this homily,
kids would probably wince and roll their eyes, that is, if they were
paying attention. But, alas, doing one’s chores and not griping about
it has very little, if anything, to do with what made this family “The
Holy Family.”
Others may think
that the family of Joseph, Mary, and Jesus was special because of Jesus
and, for that reason, is revered by the Church as “The Holy Family.”
Certainly, having the Son of God as a member of this family makes it
different from all other families in human history. But, the Gospel of
Luke reminds us, Jesus was not what made this family “The Holy Family.”
What made this
family holy is Joseph and Mary. The decisions they made about their
marriage and family life enabled them to craft the environment in which
Joseph and Mary as well as their son, Jesus, matured in holiness as
individuals and as a family.
Last Sunday, as we
listened to the readings of the Fourth Sunday of Advent and, again, as
we listened to the readings on Christmas day, we heard some
extraordinary things about Joseph and Mary. For instance, when they
were confronted with very difficult challenges and circumstances, both
responded in ways teaching us that their faith was not something they
practiced only on the Sabbath but, instead, provided the foundation upon
which both made their decisions. While Mary could have said “No” to the
angel Gabriel’s message, she instead offered herself to God saying, “Let
it be done to me according to your word.” Likewise, upon finding out
that his espoused was pregnant with someone else’s child, the gospel
told us that Joseph could have subjected Mary to the law for her alleged
infidelity¾which
may have led to her being stoned to death¾or
quietly divorced Mary. But, instead, Joseph listened to the angel
appearing in a dream and decided to take Mary to be his wife and to
raise Jesus as his son.
These readings
indicate that what is extraordinary about this family’s holiness is that
it was predicated not upon Jesus, God’s incarnate Son, but upon how
Joseph and Mary responded to God in their lives and especially as they
confronted difficult challenges and trying circumstances.
Today’s scripture
readings fill out this narrative a bit by reminding all of us, but
husbands and wives in particular, that a sacramental marriage and family
holiness is constructed upon husbands and wives who respond to God by
giving their faith, their religion, and its practice the highest
priority in their individual and collective decision-making process. As
busy as Joseph and Mary were in their own day and as busy as husbands
and wives are today, the scripture readings for the Feast of the Holy
Family remind us that marriage and family’s holiness is wholly dependent
upon husbands and wives who individually and collectively give the
highest priority to their faith, their religion, and its practice. In
my two decades of priesthood, I have yet to talk with a couple who have
been experiencing difficulties or spouses who have been divorced where
faith didn’t take second place to all of the busyness and, without the
spiritual grounding that faith provides, the marriage and family drifted
apart until there no longer was the “spiritual glue” to bind both
together.
Interestingly, in
the Gospel of Luke¾from
which today’s gospel is excerpted¾no
less than five times does the author note that Mary and Joseph did
everything their religion required of them. The gospel’s author
apparently wanted his readers to believe not that the Son of God made
his family holy but that the Son of God grew up in a home where the
husband and the wife valued their faith, their religion, and its
practice. This is what made this family holy. As busy as Joseph
and Mary were in their own day and as busy as husbands and wives are
today, marriage and family holiness is wholly dependent upon husbands
and wives who individually and collectively give the highest priority to
their faith, their religion, and its practice. Today’s gospel is
explicit that Joseph and Mary were meticulous about making faith the
ground and center of their marriage and family life.
It was in the
faith-filled environment crafted by Joseph and Mary that they nurtured
the Son of God. As an infant, Jesus surely woke his parents up his
parents in the middle of the night and inconvenienced them. But, Joseph
and Mary fed Jesus and changed his diapers. As a toddler, Jesus learned
to crawl and to take his first steps. But, Joseph and Mary picked Jesus
up when he fell and put ointment on his bruises. As a youngster, Jesus
learned to talk. But, it was Joseph and Mary who taught Jesus who God
was and how to pray to His heavenly Father. They also taught Jesus to
read the Scriptures, to love the law of God more than he loved himself,
and to celebrate the Sabbath, perhaps even at Temple services when Jesus
thought that the Rabbi’s homily was too long and boring or, as Jesus
grew into his teenage years, that he thought he could do a better job
than the Rabbi. And, then, there were those chores that Joseph and Mary
told Jesus he had to complete to fulfill his responsibilities as a
member of their family.
It was within this
family environment, one consciously crafted by the decisions Joseph and
Mary made about their marriage and their family that the Son of God grew
to human and spiritual maturity. The source of this family’s holiness
was not their son, but the decisions that this husband and wife made to
organize their marriage and family life around their faith, their
religion, and its practices.
The Feast of the
Holy Family, then, provides the opportunity for all of us, in general,
and for husbands and wives, in particular, to take a more critical look
at ourselves, the state of our marriages and family life, as well as our
individual and collective decision-making process.
The Sacrament of
Marriage involves a public commitment by a man and a woman to encounter
the mystery of God together. In any generation, being a spouse and
living a life of faith is never easy and oftentimes can prove to be very
messy. But, in the middle of all of the messiness and as spouses make
decisions, Joseph and Mary teach us to put faith first so that God is
the “spiritual glue” binding husband and wife together. “For what God
has joined, nothing can divide.”
Parenting also
involves a commitment that a man and a woman make, a commitment not
simply to have children and attend to their human development. More
importantly, parenting is a commitment on the part of the husband and
wife to attend to the spiritual development of their children. In any
generation, this is no easy task. But, it is perhaps more complicated
in this generation, in particular, because the spiritual development of
children and youth is being assailed from all sides. Once again,
however, Joseph and Mary teach us that faith, religion, and the practice
of religion enables parents to craft a family environment in which the
spiritual development of their children can be successfully nurtured.
Once again, statistics about spousal separation and divorce indicate
that the old adage still holds true: “The family that prays together
stays together.”
Unfortunately, a
sacramental marriage and a holy family do not come about simply by
wishing for it, but only as husbands and wives make faith, religion, and
its practice the foundation upon which they respond to difficult
challenges and circumstances, just as Joseph and Mary responded to
difficult challenges and circumstances confronting them.
It is one thing for
husbands and wives to teach the faith through their words. But, as the
Gospel of Luke indicates through the example of Joseph and Mary,
teaching the faith also requires husbands and wives to model their faith
in the decisions they make about how they make their marriage a
sacrament and how they will promote holiness in their families. So, on
this Feast of the Holy Family, husbands and wives might consider the
following three questions:
·
Do we
give priority to our faith when we make decisions and, by implication,
our religion and its practice in our own lives and marriage?
·
In
what concrete ways do we pray and worship God as a couple? For example,
do we read the scriptures and share what they mean with each another?
·
As
parents, how are we promoting spiritual development among our children
and training them in the practice of the faith? For example, do we pray
with our children and teenagers each daily and attend Church weekly? Do
we read, discuss, and even debate the meanings of the Scriptures, the
things of God, and what the Church teaches with our children and
teenagers?
“Why don’t they
teach us this stuff?” my nephew and several engaged couples have asked
me. And, for my part, I wonder: Is it that they don’t teach this stuff
or that we don’t listen to it because we are too busy with other things?
The author of the
Gospel of Luke reminds us that Jesus¾God’s
incarnate Son¾was
born into a very busy family. Yet, despite all of their busyness,
Joseph and Mary made decisions to build a sacramental marriage and a
holy family within which Jesus could mature in faith, hope, and love.
It was not Jesus who made the marriage and family of Joseph and Mary
holy. No, it was Joseph and Mary who made their marriage and family
holy for Jesus. They made the decisions about how they would make their
marriage a sacrament and how they would promote holiness in the each
member of their family.
This gospel message
is one that should provide comfort and hope to busy spouses and family
members and to young men and women who are contemplating getting married
and raising a family. Even though children are God’s sons and daughters
and sometimes may not act like it, they are not what makes a marriage a
sacrament nor are children what makes a family holy. No, husbands and
wives make the decisions through which they give priority to faith,
religion, and its practice. Making the decisions that nurture the goals
of building a sacramental marriage and a holy family is the great
challenge which the Feast of the Holy Family places before us today. |
HOMILY
