“So what’s
it gonna cost me?” Now, there’s a question we’ve all asked. Frequently,
the answer we get is expressed in terms of the real cash dollars the
“whatever-it-is” is going to cost us.
There are costs
we must pay if we are to achieve something we really desire. These
costs aren’t measured in terms of real cash dollars.
Losing 15 pounds
or giving up smoking isn’t something we can simply wish; it really does
cost something. As we saw in the recent Summer Olympics held in Greece,
winning the gold, silver, or bronze medal costs hours upon countless
hours of strenuous conditioning, hard exercise, and perfecting practice
routines. A good marriage carries a high cost: learning to be patient
as well as a willingness to listen, to forgive, and to sacrifice one’s
preferences and independence. Good parenting also carries a very steep
cost. Apart from the obvious financial burdens, there’s all of the
time, energy, and love that must be sacrificed for children.
Of course, the
joy that comes when we’ve achieved the goal of better health, “winning
the gold,” having a strong and stable marriage, or of seeing one’s
children grow into good and moral human beings far outweighs and
sometimes even erases from memory the costs one had to pay for these
things.
In contrast, we
oftentimes think that love of God shouldn’t cost anything. For example,
we think that strenuous spiritual conditioning, hard exercise, and
perfecting virtue through practice shouldn’t be necessary if we are to
become good and holy people. It should be easy, shouldn’t it?
A young Lutheran
pastor in Germany named Dietrich von Bonhoeffer (1906-1945) watched the
rise of Hitler’s regime during the early 1930s. As the Füehrer
increasingly presented himself to the German people as an idol and god,
Bonhoeffer preached against Adolf Hitler as well as the Gestapo.
In 1937,
Bonhoeffer published a book he entitled The Cost of Discipleship.
In that volume, the young Lutheran pastor wrote that although God freely
gives human beings all the grace they need to be good and holy people,
the cost of this free gift requires giving first place in all things to
one’s relationship with God. This might sound easy but, for Bonhoeffer,
turning one’s back on anything that would distract from the goal of
giving first place in one’s life to God required a particular form of
spiritual conditioning, exercise, and practice, namely, the type learned
by walking the way of the Cross. To believe that the gift of God’s
grace comes without any cost would be to live under what Bonhoeffer
called “the illusion of cheap grace.” “Cheap grace is grace without
discipleship,” Bonhoeffer wrote, “grace without the cross.”
When life under
the Nazi regime became increasingly difficult, Bonhoeffer wasn’t willing
to pay that price. Instead, he left Nazi Germany and ministered in
England and the United States for several years. Eventually, however,
Dietrich von Bonhoeffer returned to his homeland despite the danger
because he realized how he had placed himself and his desires ahead of
love of God. While abroad, Bonhoeffer came to realize that God was
calling him back to Germany so that Bonhoeffer could “share the trials
of this time with my people.”
Once he arrived
back in his native land in 1943, the Nazis arrested Bonhoeffer,
imprisoning him first in Büchenwald and subsequently in other prisons.
All the while, Bonhoeffer ministered to the sick and dying. Then, just
a few days before the Allies liberated the prison where Bonhoeffer was
incarcerated, he paid the cost of discipleship, embracing the Cross that
lead to his suffering and death. In 1945, the Nazis executed the
39-year-old Lutheran pastor.
Looking back upon
his life, Bonhoeffer believed that Christians become deluded by the
illusion of cheap grace as they convince themselves that there are no
real or practical costs associated with God’s gift of grace. Then, as
difficulties and trials assault Christians, those who pattern their
lives based upon the illusion of cheap grace turn their backs upon their
relationship with God, allowing other relationships to take precedence.
They simply aren’t willing to pay the cost that grace exacts if they are
to follow in Jesus by accepting the Cross leading to suffering and
death.
In today’s
gospel, Jesus said to the crowds: “If anyone comes to me without hating
his father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, and even
his own life, this person cannot be my disciple.” What is this, an
invitation to hate one’s spouse and family members? Is Jesus providing
the answer to a child’s dreams, namely, giving permission for siblings
to hate each another? Likewise, is Jesus giving permission for husbands
and wives to hate their in-laws?
Well, it all
depends upon what the word “hate” means.
For the early
Greek-speaking Christian community, the word “hate” didn’t connote as it
does for us a feeling or a passion as, for example, those times when we
find ourselves angry and we’re on the verge of saying “I hate you.” No,
for these early Christians, hate is an attitude. To “hate” someone
means that no matter how I might feel, I will not allow those feelings
to distract me from my most important relationships and
responsibilities. To “hate,” then, means having the power of will (or
the fortitude) to turn one’s back on any relationship or responsibility
that distracts someone or keeps someone from doing what one’s
relationship with God requires that individual to do.
For Jesus—and for
those who wish to follow him—there is no relationship that comes before
one’s relationship with God. Not a relationship with one’s spouse. Not
a relationship with one’s children. Not a relationship with one’s
neighbors, boss, or co-workers. If someone wants to follow Jesus, that
person must hate all of these people so that this disciple will do what
comes first, namely, God’s will. If that means turning one’s back on
one’s spouse or family, so be it. If it means quitting one’s job or not
accepting a much-coveted promotion in order to put the most important
relationship first, so be it. If it means giving up one’s friends or
breaking off a relationship with a person one has been dating or living
with, so be it.
Of course, this
attitude requires being willing to embrace the Cross that leads to
suffering and death because it might well mean turning away from every
relationship that provides a lot of happiness, enjoyment, and pleasure.
But, when those relationships carry the price tag of putting God second
in one’s list of life’s priorities, Jesus tells his disciples that they
must hate those relationships. “If anyone comes to me without
hating his father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters,
and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple.”
This is precisely
what Jesus did when he turned his back on his mother, Mary, and his
disciples as well. He turned form them and embraced the Cross in order
to do what love of God required, that is, to suffer and to die for
sinners.
You might have
noticed how in Mel Gibson’s movie, The Passion of the Christ,
that each of the times Jesus was given the Cross, he didn’t take it.
No, in each of those four instances, Jesus embraced the Cross, as if he
cherished it. The pathos of those moments, reminiscent of the way the
father of the prodigal son embraced him when the young man finally came
to his senses and renounced his life of decrepitude, provides the signal
of what anyone who would wish to follow Jesus must do. Namely, one must
take the Cross down from the wall and embrace it because one cherishes
the Cross. “Whoever does not carry his own cross and come after me
cannot be my disciple,” Jesus tells the crowd of people traveling with
him.
It’s really easy
to admire Jesus and to be enthusiastic about being a disciple, just like
all of those people in the crowd who Luke says were “traveling with”
him. “Following” Jesus—that is, being a disciple—carries a high cost
that no mere traveler is willing to pay. To follow Jesus, one must make
a full and wholehearted commitment to hate others in the sense that one
gives first priority to one’s relationship with God.
But, that’s only
the beginning. Why? Because the commitment to give love of God first
place also requires having the fortitude needed if one is to continue
paying that price and remain faithful until the end. The price one must
pay—a very steep price, indeed—is to “hate” or to renounce everything
that might distract a disciple from accepting the Cross that leads to
suffering and death.
I recently was
told the story of an engaged couple whose names are Ann and Matt.
Immediately after proposing marriage to Ann, Matt was shocked when Ann
responded by saying that Matt would never be first in her life. “I love
you and want to be your wife, Matt,” Ann said, “But, you have to
understand that you will never be first in my life.”
As Matt heard
these words flow from Ann’s lips, he found himself wondering who or what
would come first in Ann’s life. Would it be her parents? Would it be
her job? Would it be some friend? Was she seeing someone else and
subtly telling Matt that she was dumping him?
As these
questions darted at warp speed through Matt’s mind, Ann provided the
answer: “If I am to be your wife, Matt, God will always have first place
in my life. If you really want to marry me, you have to understand
and to accept this. Can you be happy with as your wife because I give
God first place?”
Stunned and
shocked, Matt was hurt when he first heard Ann’s words. But, Matt
wisely figured how this made sense and, in the ensuing years, Matt came
to appreciate that Ann really meant what she said. Instead of
subordinating her relationship with God to her relationship with Matt,
Ann accorded first place to her relationship to God. Her daily witness
to prayer, her weekly active participation in Sunday mass, and her
dedication to teaching high school CCD challenged Matt over the years to
give God a higher place in his life.
Now, 14 years
after proposing marriage to Ann, Matt says that it was as he gave God
first place in his life that Matt discovered he was happier than he had
ever been. Even more importantly, Matt also found that he was growing
to love and to appreciate Ann more and more…more than Matt ever thought
he was capable of loving and appreciating anyone except, of course,
himself!
Notice that
putting God first in our lives is not just a matter of the mind. No,
putting God first is also matter of the power of will, of being ready to
pay the cost by accepting what love of God demands, even to the point of
being willing to give up everything for God including our lives. In
reality, we may not be called upon to give everything up in order to
serve God, like Dietrich von Bonhoeffer did, but we must at a minimum be
willing to give up everything for God and to demonstrate that by daily
spiritual conditioning, exercise, and practice.
In today’s
gospel, Jesus suggests that before entering into any relationship or
accepting any responsibility, those who follow him should evaluate what
the demands will be, in short, what it’s really going to cost. What
really happens, Jesus infers through the parables of the builder
preparing to construct a building and the king preparing for war, is
that people oftentimes don’t calculate the costs and, when they are
exacted, many people decide that they aren’t willing to pay the price.
They’d rather travel through life with Jesus than to follow him.
When we
compromise our principles in our relationships and responsibilities, we
should immediately recognize a red flag, one indicating that we’re not
really willing to pay the cost of discipleship. In order to please
others and ourselves as well, we might find ourselves lying or cheating,
doing drugs, listening to inappropriate music, viewing inappropriate
movies or videos, visiting Internet porn sites, or engaging in immoral,
impure, or even illegal acts. When we engage in any of these things, we
aren’t putting our relationship with God first; no, we are putting
ourselves first. That isn’t discipleship; it’s hedonism.
“So, what’s it
going to cost me?”
To love God, I
have to be determined and to possess fortitude if I am to be successful
in subordinating everything to love of God, to be willing to embrace the
Cross, and to accept where the Cross leads: to suffering and death.
This is the cost. Anything short of that, Bonhoeffer wrote, is “cheap
grace.”
Though God’s
grace is freely given, what it requires is not easily achieved. It is
not enough to want to love God because many obstacles will stand in the
way, the most prominent of which is loving ourselves more than God.
Like all of those people in the crowd listening to Jesus relate the
parables of the builder preparing to construct a building and the king
preparing for war, Luke asks each of us: Am I truly following
Jesus or am I merely traveling with him? |