topleft05.jpg (18208 bytes)HOMILY
The Third Sunday of Advent (A)
"Gaudete Sunday"

12 December 04


 

I never cease to be amazed at how easily Moms and Dads cry whenever a child gets married.  After all, one might think, parents should be delirious at the prospect of no longer bearing fiduciary responsibility for the child.

Several years back, a very good friend whose name is Dennis raised a champagne flute to toast his daughter’s fiancée at the rehearsal dinner on the night before the wedding.  He said: “John, it’s with great joy that Peggy and I welcome you to our family.  I’m especially happy.  Not only will you reduce my financial liabilities by nearly one half.  You also don’t know how happy you will make me each month. ‘Until death do you part,’ you’ll be paying Sara’s Visa bill.”

Dennis is a very practical man.  Yet, even so, when his baby girl, Sara, married her fiancée, John, on the following afternoon at the Cathedral of the Holy Family in Tulsa, Oklahoma, I spied at least a couple of tears running down Dennis’ cheeks.

The propensity for parents to cry at a child’s wedding may have more to do with everything that has preceded the big day than the events of the big day itself.

From a child’s birth, most parents really do try their utmost to raise their children as God expects because, after all, most parents realize that it is God’s child for whom they now bear personal responsibility.  But, as those sometimes seemingly endless childrearing years wear on, somehow the forces of human nature that are active and at work in children force parents to have to descend into some ominous valleys, to climb up some rather harrowing peaks, and to follow a sometimes very crooked and meandering path.  The lessons parents teach a child many times don’t appear to be taking root.  Sometimes, too, parental hope ebbs and wanes.  And, then, as a child expresses independence and challenges parental authority, the tears parents find themselves choking back in the dark night as they lie in bed and contemplate what’s going on, oftentimes aren’t tears of joy.

But, as we heard in the letter of St. James:

Be patient, brothers and sisters, until the coming of the Lord….You too must be patient.  Make your hearts firm….Do not complain…about one another that you may not be judged….Take as an example of hardship and patience…the prophets who spoke in the name of the Lord.

Patience does exact a very high personal cost, as many parents know!

So, it makes sense that at a wedding ceremony, tears gush forth as parents see everything they have patiently worked toward, awaited and, yes, hoped for during a child’s formative years now being realized as a child says “I do.”  With those words, all of those once-harrowing peaks are laid low, all of those once-ominous valleys are made level, and all of those once very-crooked and meandering ways are made straight.  These tears bring relief to parents because they know the outcome is worth the high personal cost exacted in worry, frustration, doubt, and fear.  In the end, by standing for what is right, proper, and just, parents educate their children in the virtues required to be virtuous and holy adults.  All of that flows forth in those tears of joy.

Raising children according to Gospel values, instilling in young people a love and respect for God and His commandments, and disciplining a child when one wanders away from the narrow path isn’t an easy task for any parent.  The only real weapon parents have as they set about this grave moral responsibility is the hope, as St. Paul says, that is engendered by faith.  The unflagging belief that “God will save us” sometimes is the only belief that sustains parents and provides the patience they need when a child tests the limits of parental authority, as my parents can attest.  Or, as Jesus said in today’s gospel, “Blessed is the one who takes no offense at me.”

In the crucible of this testing, all a parent can sometimes ask a testy child is “What is it that you’re looking for?”

In many ways, the Israelites were like a child testing parental authority.  God had given the Law, the Judges, and the Prophets to instruct the Israelites about what it means to be holy and blameless in God’s sight.  Time and again, however, the Israelites chose to trust in themselves and their own devices rather than listen to God’s emissary.  Each time the Israelites failed to recognize who God had sent their way.  And, the outcome?  The Israelites fell not only deeper and deeper into slavery but they also became more desperate for God to save them from the increasingly more terrible plights they found themselves having to confront because they had trusted solely in their own devices and not in God.

In Jesus’ day, with the Kingdom of Israel only a distant memory of a long-bygone era, the Jews were living in Palestine, subjects of the Roman Emperor.  They were looking for God to send a King―a Messiah―to save them or, at least, for a prophet to announce God’s word about what the Jews needed to do if God was to liberate them yet once again from the servitude they had gotten themselves into.  For the Jews the vision Isaiah announced and we heard in today’s first reading meant something.  They wanted it fulfilled…and right now!  Isaiah wrote:

The desert and the parched land will exult; the steppe will rejoice and bloom.  They will bloom with abundant flowers, and rejoice with joyful song.  The glory of Lebanon will be given to them, the splendor of Carmel and Sharon; they will see the glory of the Lord, the splendor of our God.
 

But, finding themselves living not in the springtime but in the dead winter of their lives of faith, Jesus asks the crowds what they are looking for.  Are you looking for “a reed swayed by the wind?”  Do you want a King dressed in fine clothing and living in a palace, like David?  Or, do you want to see a Prophet, like John?

The irony, of course, is that sin has so blinded the Jews that they are incapable of seeing the only begotten Son of God standing right in front of them.  “What is it,” Jesus asks, “that you are looking for?” because it was of Jesus that the Prophet Isaiah had written:

Here is your God, he comes with vindication; with divine recompense he comes to save you.  Then will the eyes of the blind be opened, the ears of the deaf be cleared; then will the lame leap like a stag, then the tongue of the mute will sing…crowned with everlasting joy…sorrow and mourning will flee.
 

“What is it you are looking for?”  This is an important question that all of us need to ask ourselves, especially as we prepare for God’s advent in our lives.

To our young people today, Jesus puts the question: What is it that you are looking for in your parents?

Are you looking for linguini-spined parents who sway with every breeze as it comes and goes?  Are you looking for parents who will give you everything you want?  Are you looking for parents who will do everything for you?  Are you looking for parents who will tell you only how wonderful you are?  Are you looking for parents who will be just like the members of your peer group?

Perhaps many of you aren’t looking for those kind of parents and, I think, that’s a very good thing.

But, I have heard and talked with many young people who have said that they “hate” their parents.  And, as I’ve listened and asked questions, I’ve generally found that the much of the dissatisfaction these young people express with their parents has to do with Mom and Dad being “out of touch,” needing to become a little more pliable, to go with the flow, and to be like other parents who aren’t so strict.

Or, these Moms and Dads don’t give their children everything they want.  Worse yet, these Moms and Dads require their children to contribute to the family’s common good by doing chores and the like.  Furthermore, these parents hold their children accountable for what they do, appropriately rewarding and disciplining their children as necessary.  Lastly, these parents aren’t their children’s “friends”; no, these women and men are the parents of their children and, thank God, they know the difference.

The reason Jesus asks this question of young people today is because, as you prepare for Christmas, just how do you believe that God is most likely to make Himself present in your lives?  Think carefully about the Israelites: God made himself present by giving them the Law; by sending prophets who would challenge them to recognize their sin, repent from it, and return to God; and, in God’s greatest act, by making Himself flesh in His only begotten Son.

God has entrusted your parents with an important ministry.  They are to provide for your needs not everything you want.  Yes, they are to challenge you to “do your part” and to contribute to the common good of your family, to set standards and judge you, as the prophets judged Israel, whether you like it or not.  But, most importantly, God has called your parents to an important ministry: they are to be the Word of God made flesh not only in your homes but, most importantly, in every aspect of your lives.  As your parents provide you this ministry, this is how you will learn about the person who God is calling you by name and to become not that person who is nothing but a clone of your peer group.

So, young people: What is it that you really are looking for in your parents?  This is what Advent is really about.  It is the time to open your blind eyes, to clear your deaf ears, to leap from your paralysis.  Only in this way can you rejoice in the way God has blessed you and is calling you to become.

Likewise, parents, Jesus’ question is also directed at you.  What is it that you are looking for in your children?

I’ve heard many parents gripe and complain about their children and how much patience it takes.  And, I don’t doubt for one second that it does.  Much of the griping and complaining, however, is a consequence, I believe, of not accepting God’s call to be a parent.  Remember what St. James told us in today’s Epistle, “You too must be patient.  Make your hearts firm….Do not complain….that you might not be judged.”  Likewise, remember what Jesus said in today’s gospel, “Blessed is the one who takes no offense at me.”

Contrast this with a poll reported recently in USA Today (October 12, 2004, 8d) indicating that “many parents [that’s 43% of them] would like to be best friends with their teenagers and young adult children.”  Furthermore, 40% of parents said “they’d give their kids everything they want if they could.”  73% of parents reported that “the last purchase they made for their kids was something they guess their teen or young adult would want rather than something he or she asked for.”  56% of parents reported that they are in no hurry for their children to leave home and 72% would welcome their children back to live at home at any time.

Not surprised?  What about this?

Because these parents believe that their parents didn’t understand them, they want to be the best friend of their children.  “A parental best friend is going to be a shoulder to cry on….It’s a best friend who is wise, reasonable, understanding and knowledgeable.”  In short, these parents try to make themselves the No. 1 hero of their children.  This translates into means being “someone who is fun to be around, listens, and is non-judgmental.”  Furthermore, it means being parents “don’t give you rules and tell you what to do,” for example, not making children do homework because it makes them unhappy.

The way these parents view their kids, according to Sampson Lee Blair, associate professor of sociology at the State University of New York-Buffalo, is as “emotional assets, the objects of their love and affection.”  Short and simple, what these parents are trying to do is to buy the affection of their children.  They want the limited time they have for their children to be “friendly and non-confrontational.”  These parents even share their personal and work-related problems with their children.

So, how does all of this parenting play out in the real world?

It’s adults who Ian Pierpoint, a senior vice president with the firm that conducted the research, calls “adult-escents.”  These women and men are 25 years of older but have the life of a teenager.  They are adult children who continue to live at home with “No bills.  No rent.  Very little in the way of chores.  And parents fill the house with things like PlayStations, pool tables…[etc.].”

So, Jesus asks parents: What are you looking for?

Do you want to be a parent to your children?  Or, do you want to be a friend of your children?  Do you want to deal with your children as they are and provide them the upbringing that will enable them to mature into responsible, virtuous, and holy adults?  Or, do you want them to be companions who will become “adult-escents”?

God has entrusted parents with a vital ministry.  Yes, they are to provide for the needs of their children.  Yes, they are to challenge their children to “do their part” and to contribute to the common good of the family, to set standards and judge their children, as the prophets judged Israel.  But, most importantly, God has called parents to be the Word of God made flesh not only in their homes but, most importantly, in the lives of their children.  Of these women and men, the Prophet Isaiah wrote: Here is your God, he comes with vindication; with divine recompense he comes to save you.”  As parents provide this ministry, this is how children learn about the person God is calling them to become in their lives.  “Then will the eyes of the blind be opened, the ears of the deaf be cleared; then will the lame leap like a stag, then the tongue of the mute will sing.”

It’s so much fun to think that the Season of Advent is about looking forward to the “cornucopia of unbridled avarice,” as Ralphie described what he prepared himself for in The Christmas Story.  Unfortunately for Ralphie and for us, too, the Season of Advent is not about looking forward to “getting the stash of loot” but of asking what we are looking for in our lives and of preparing for God to make himself present in that way.

The Third Sunday of Advent―what is called “Gaudete Sunday” (the Sunday of rejoicing)―marks the halfway point as we prepare for the Lord to come into our lives.  While we anxiously look toward and anticipate that day, we really need to stop, to look into our hearts, and to ask, “What am I really looking for?”

We might find, just as the Israelites did, that God continually makes Himself present, but that our expectations and hopes aren’t fulfilled because we are looking for God to reveal Himself as we want Him to reveal Himself and not as we need to see Him, that is, as God truly is.

 

PS: What are adult-escents saying about their parents and the way they’ve brought up their children?

One―a 22-year-old man―told Ian Pierpoint: “There’s no way I’m going to be like my mom.”

Now, that’s what most teenagers say.  But, this young man went on to say, “My mom does everything for me.  She’s made me lazy.  There is no way kids are going to rule my house.  I’m going to be a bad-ass parent.” 

So, my question to this young man is: When are you going to move out of your Mother’s house?

 

 

Now, a very brief commercial announcement...

When I find a resource I believe might be useful for parishioners' spiritual lives, I like to let them know about it.  Normally, I post them to my "Resources for Catholic Living" website (www.homepage.villanova.edu/richard.jacobs/homilies/).  This past week, I found two resources I believe might be of particular and timely interest that I'm making special note of them here as well as on the "Resources for Catholic Living" website.


The first resource is Marriage Partnership, a monthly magazine that integrates the spiritual and human aspects of the Sacrament of Marriage in very practical and useful ways for both husbands and wives.  Written from a faith perspective by husbands and wives for husbands and wives who are interested in enriching their marriages through faith the power of faith, I most highly recommend this very excellent resource for all married persons, newlyweds and elderlyweds alike!  Check it out by clicking on the image:


The second resource is Magnifikid
®.  I introduced this resource last Advent when the publication made its debut.  And, I do so again because it is such a good resource for young people.  More than just a complete missal for young people between the ages of 4 and 12, Magnifikid® is also a personal guide that invites young people each week to make their lives a true spiritual adventure by following the example of Jesus Christ.  Magnifikid® is an excellent way at Christimastime for parents, grandparents, godfathers and godmothers, or simply those who are close to a young person to help that individual grow in faith.  Each year, 57 booklets (one per week, plus special inserts for the major feast days) are mailed to the recipient.  Each issue starts off on Sunday and then helps young people remain with the Lord each day throughout the week.  The subscription price is $29.90 (USD) and can be purchased by calling 1-888-273-5215.

 

Additional resources for Catholic living are available on my webpage.  Check them out by clicking on the button:

 

 

mail2.gif (2917 bytes)      Does today’s homily raise any question(s) that you would like
                   me to respond to? Mail your question(s) by double clicking on
               
    the mailbox. I will respond to your question(s) at my first
                   available opportunity.


   Double click on this button to return to the homily
                                         webpage.