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Have you ever
seen that V-8 commercial on television where a woman asks a middle-aged
fellow who is working out in a gym questions about his diet?
Ultimately, the fellow’s lack of follow through on eating a healthy diet
led the lady to hit him in the forehead with the base of her palm—a loud
“bonk” can be heard—for being such a dufus. Why? The fellow wasn’t
disciplined enough to eat the minimum daily requirement of vegetables
or, in this case, to drink the equivalent quantity of vegetables
contained in just one glass of V8.
One point the
commercial attempts to communicate is that, for many of us, our
intentions might be good but our discipline isn’t strong enough to
follow through by eating correctly each and every day. So, the
commercial suggests, when we neglect the basics, we deserve a good
“bonk” on the forehead.
A few years back, a
colleague at Villanova asked me in all sincerity, “What has our
generation done wrong in raising our children?” This colleague had been
relating to me some of the difficulties he had been experiencing with
his youngest son who, at the time, was a junior in high school. “When
our generation was growing up, a father’s word meant something. Today
it means absolutely nothing,” he said. Then he asked me: “Where did our
generation go wrong in raising our kids?”
Perhaps our
generation of fathers has forgotten about the basics of raising healthy
children and, by that, I mean physically healthy children, yes, but I
also mean, spiritually, morally, and religiously healthy children, too.
And, when as fathers, our discipline isn’t strong enough to follow
through by providing our children the minimum daily requirement of the
basics that are so absolutely crucial for their growth in wisdom and
grace before God and humanity, then we also deserve a good “bonk” on our
foreheads from our wives!
I recalled the V8
commercial and that conversation with my colleague when I read today’s
Epistle selection from the Letter to the Hebrews which asks: “For what
‘son’ is there whom his father does not discipline?”
Speaking only for
myself as a kid, I can say in response, “None.” Just about every one of
my friends were also disciplined by their father’s strong arm. But,
looking around today, perhaps the more honest answer to the question is
“a whole lot of sons” (and, in the spirit of gender equality, “a whole
lot of daughters, too,” although it seems to me my sister was never
disciplined by my father nor were my friends’ sisters).
In contrast, I have
another friend, who’s the father of four. An Army veteran, he
understands the need for strong discipline in the family unit. He
learned this in the Army because, when a soldier falls to do what duty
requires, Army discipline mandates the soldier be sentenced to what’s
called “the hole.” Once in the hole, the soldier loses all privileges
until the entire sentence is served. The purpose for sentencing the
soldier to the hole is to develop in the soldier the internal strength
and fortitude to resist the temptation to fail in one’s duty once
released from the hole. Yes, this form of discipline is punitive. But,
don’t doubt its effectiveness, I am told and have personally experienced
and seen as well. My Dad didn’t call it “the hole,” however.
When one of this
friend’s children has failed to do what duty in their unit—the “unit” of
the family—requires, they get sentenced to the hole for 30 days. Yes,
they lose all privileges that come with being a member of the family
unit and now have to do everything required by the book. Part of the
sentence for failing to live up to what one’s duty requires might even
include having to attend daily mass for 30 consecutive days! Sure, his
children have hollered and screamed that his approach to discipline is
punitive and unfair. But, he argues, why are they hollering and
screaming, anyway? It’s for the simple reason that they trespassed
important boundaries because they didn’t possess the strength to make a
good decision in the first place. So, it’s now is the “time to pay the
price…30 days in the hole. I don’t care how you feel!”
In both
instances—the unit of the Army and the unit of the family—the fruit of
discipline is the strength that comes from being disciplined. That
includes: a firm character that can better withstand temptation; a clear
awareness that making a good decision is far more important than being
popular; and, an understanding that there are limits beyond which it is
absolutely unacceptable to trespass. To develop those fruits, however,
requires suffering…sometimes self-chosen for one’s good and, at other
times, imposed upon oneself by duly-constituted authority for one’s
good.
In light of the
suffering that such discipline requires—scripture likens it to entering
“through the narrow gate”—the disciples asked Jesus, “Lord, will only a
few be saved?”
Jesus’ answer to the
question is “Yes.”
Sad to say, only the
few are those who “enter through the narrow gate.” While many may hope
and even attempt to enter through the narrow gate—like the fellow in the
V8 commercial as well as my friend who was worried about what’s gone
wrong with fathers in this generation—Jesus says, only the few will
actually be able to.
“Why?” the disciples
must have been wondering.
Jesus’ response was
emphatic: “…for many, I tell you, will attempt to enter but will not be
strong enough.”
At the heart of the
disciples’ inquiry is a crucial question for all of us to consider.
That question is: “What does it mean to be saved?” It’s an absolutely
crucial question because the answer to that question sets up exactly
what Jesus’ response means for us.
Salvation isn’t a
numbers game, that is, how much we’ve been good, how hard we’ve tried to
be good, or what our good intentions might have been which requires God
to admit us to His kingdom. To be saved means “to live out and to
fulfill one’s personal vocation,” that is, to love God and neighbor as
we love ourselves by living in every aspect of our daily lives that
unique “call” that God breathed into us when God created us. When we
live out and fulfill our personal vocation, we experience
salvation…right here and now, though perhaps only in a glimmer.
As I have said on
many other occasions, that personal vocation makes each of us a unique
and unrepeatable human being in all of human history. Just think about
it: because each of us has been given a personal vocation, there never
has been, there currently is not, and their never will be another person
just like us. Furthermore, that personal vocation makes each of our
lives extremely important and meaningful because, as each of us fulfills
fulfill our personal vocation, we bring God’s plan for humanity in this
generation to fruition, just as Abraham, Moses, and Mary did in their
generations and just as Saints Maximilian Kolbe and Gianna Molla as well
as Blesseds Teresa of Calcutta and Pope John Paul II did in their
generations.
Yes, God has created
each of us to be a person whose unique and unrepeatable personality and
talents are absolutely necessary if this world in which we live is to
become more like the Kingdom of God and less like the formless abyss of
Chaos that evidences the Reign of Evil. As we live out and fulfill our
personal vocation in every aspect of our lives, we then achieve faith’s
goal, namely, our salvation. But, if we are to live out and fulfill our
personal vocation, we first have to enter each day through the narrow
gate and to do that, Jesus, teaches, we need to be strong.
That’s precisely
where the problem arises.
The “idea” of a
personal vocation is inspiring. To think that God has called us to be a
unique and unrepeatable revelation to the world of some aspect of God’s
love through a personal vocation might well motivate us to respond more
generously to God’s call to be a “light to the nations.” The trouble
is, that’s oftentimes where it ends. We’re motivated, but when we
attempt to enter daily life through the narrow gate, we discover that
we’re weak. Then, the very moment something easier comes along, we
forget about our personal vocation and allow the wind to carry us in
whatever direction it happens to be blowing at the time.
In short, we
demonstrate our spiritual, moral, and religious weakness because we
haven’t grounded ourselves in love of and neighbor God. Like any tree
with shallow roots, we get blown over as the wind grows stronger.
That’s when we need a good V8 “bonk” to the head, especially from our
father. Only the few, whose roots are rooted deeply in love of God and
neighbor, have the strength to withstand the changing winds. Where did
this strength come from? How was it developed? When did it become part
of an individual’s character and approach to daily life? The answer to
these questions is simple: as the strength of one’s father didn’t allow
weakness to rue the day, even if it required sentencing a child to the
hole for 30 days.
Salvation is not
automatic, granted to all of Jesus’ disciples. No, Jesus tells his
disciples, salvation is for the few, those who possess the strength it
takes to live and fulfill their personal vocation in every aspect of
their lives. Salvation also isn’t a numbers game. It’s simply not
enough to say, “At heart, I’m a good person,” or, “I tried.” Only the
few—the strong—are capable of doing what love of God and neighbor
requires to live out and to fulfill their personal vocation when the
wind is blowing in the opposite direction. What this requires—not for
one’s good, but the good of others—is discipline and its fruit, strength
of character. That is what a father does to live out and fulfill his
personal vocation. He is willing (though perhaps not happy) to
challenge and to correct his children when they have failed to pass
through the narrow gate so they will develop greater strength to do what
wisdom and grace require of them in the future. Failure to correct
one’s children is an abdication of one’s divine responsibility, as fear
of God reminds every father (although, in the opinion of my colleague at
least, many today do not seem to be attentive).
Let there be no
doubt about it, the personal vocation of being a father is no easy task
in any generation. The winds always blow in directions that lead
children away from developing the strength it takes to grow in grace and
wisdom before God and humanity. But, in this generation, I believe,
fathers have what is perhaps a much greater challenge than in previous
generations.
Some say this
challenge is due to “relativism,” that is, the belief that there is no
such thing as the truth, only different truths each of which is as true
as the other. Others say this challenge is due to “materialism,” that
is, the belief that all that matters in life is the acquisition of more
and more possessions. Yet others say this challenge is due to
“secularism,” that is, the belief that what matters is life this
world—the saeculum—devoid of God. As Pope John Paul II noted,
when relativism, materialism, and secularism are combined as they have
in this generation, the result is a lifestyle where human beings delude
themselves into believing that relativism, materialism, and secularism
will make them happy when, in reality, their hearts are filled with the
darkness of despair because they never find the Paradise they are
seeking no matter what the number of their possessions.
Daniel Brandenburg
has called the challenge presented by relativism, materialism and
secularism “the new fundamentalism.”
In his book,
Brandenburg argues that the new fundamentalism isn’t narrow-mindedness,
perhaps that of an irrational or fanatical bent, but an intolerance,
irrationality, and extremism that allows for no truth. This new
fundamentalism leads its adherents to believe it dangerous and
authoritarian for any person to speak of or assert something as “truth,”
accusing those who do so of arrogance and intolerance because to speak
of or assert a truth means that it is possible to make a value judgment
about what constitutes right and wrong for other people. No one has the
right, the new fundamentalism asserts, to force others to conform to
another’s privately-held and strictly personal truths. To do so is to
imprison others within one’s personal worldview or to wage war against
them just because they happen to see things differently. That is why
this new fundamentalism must be aggressive. It must bring to silence
anyone who speaks about or asserts the truth as well as any rights or
wrongs that are proposed as normative for all people, in all time, and
in all places.
Perhaps you have
experienced the new fundamentalism. You raised issues about human life,
like abortion, contraception, stem cell research, euthanasia, or the
death penalty. Suddenly your found yourself in the center of a
maelstrom for forcing your ideas—not truths—upon others. Perhaps you
raised issues about marriage, divorce, sexuality, radical feminism, and
gender equality, asserting what Scripture and Church teaching assert in
this regard. Suddenly, people whom you thought were your friends now
want you in isolation, treating you as is you have a virulent
communicable disease that must be contained and eradicated. Or, perhaps
you told one of your children that they cannot do and will not do what
everybody else is doing. You explain your position to them and feel as
if you’re talking to a brick wall. Then, the child hurls invectives of
unbelievable proportions at you, making you wonder just what’s wrong
with you.
The only power
sufficient to meet the challenge to truth and morality presented by the
new fundamentalism is a father who possesses the strength of character
to live out and to fulfill his personal vocation by entering his life
each day through the narrow gate. This is a man who has grown strong,
who has learned wisdom and grace through discipline, and has rooted
himself so deeply in love of God and neighbor that only he is capable of
withstanding the assaults upon his motives, his integrity, and his
person when he stands up for truth and morality. Like Jesus, he bears
the Cross as he lives out and brings his personal vocation to
fulfillment. He’s certainly no metrosexual, worried more about his
hair, manicure, and pedicure.
Daniel
Brandenburg argues that it’s not enough, when combating the new
fundamentalism, to oppose it using logical arguments or engaging in
dialogue. Of greater urgency is the strength of character that comes
only by entering daily life through the narrow gate. Truth and morality
are only learned in a personal relationship with God, where a man whom
God has called to be a father in his own unique and unrepeatable way in
all of human history grows in the strength of character that will enable
him to confront the challenge presented by the new fundamentalism head
on and, in defending truth and morality, to develop the fullness of his
spiritual, moral, and religious nature. This is the narrow pathway to
salvation.
When children can
discourage their father from teaching what truth and morality require,
they are deceiving a weak man—not the strong man Jesus describes in the
gospel—into failing in living out and fulfilling his personal vocation.
What this father needs is for his wife to give him a good, hard V8
“bonk” to the forehead. Why? Because the quality of his family’s life
is entirely dependent upon his spiritual, moral, and religious
strength. This isn’t a matter of being tolerant and accepting of
diverse points of view as if there is no truth or morality, but one of
standing up for the truth and morality, an unwavering stance firmly
rooted in love of God and the charity that is firmly rooted in love of
neighbor. Only this strength can withstand the “blowback” revealing the
self-destructive behavior that is the fruit not of discipline—the narrow
gate—but of the new fundamentalism, namely, relativism, materialism, and
secularism.
No father who is
strong in character fears standing up for the truth and morality. But,
there are many men who have procreated children and live in fear of
them. However, the strength of character learned and developed by
entering daily life through the narrow gate reminds every father that
it’s simply foolishness to be so open-minded that he’s empty-headed.
The strength of character learned and developed by entering daily life
through the narrow gate reminds every father that it’s foolishness to be
so sophisticated that he stands for nothing by standing for everything
(as Chesterton would say) or, worse yet, by denying the claims of truth
and morality for fear of “upsetting” or even “losing” a child. The
strength of character learned and developed by entering daily life
through the narrow gate reminds every father that it’s foolishness to
believe that his silence will strengthen the bonds between him and his
child when this father already knows that silence only breeds confusion
in his child’s mind, that confusion breeds denial, that denial breeds
contempt, that contempt breeds impunity, and that impunity breeds
violence. The strength of character learned and developed by entering
daily life through the narrow gate reminds every father that this is
nothing but a recipe for extending the Reign of Evil. Too weak to
accept the challenge to stand up for the truth and morality, this is not
a mature man but a little boy; he does not posses strong character but
weak will; he is not mature in grace and holiness but Silly Putty being
formed in the hands of the Devil. In sum, this is no father and he is
among the many who are not going to be saved. He has turned away from
God and his personal vocation and will never grow into his full stature
as father but also a man of God.
What is truly sad is
that this man’s weakness leads to profound despair not the joy of
salvation. In his heart of hearts, this man knows that he has done a
grave disservice to the children whom God has entrusted to him, but he
also knows that he has failed to love God and neighbor as he loves
himself. This man has chosen to get along—remember the pathetic
question Rodney King asked, “Can’t we all just get along?”—rather than
to grow in the wisdom and grace that is learned by entering daily life
through the narrow gate. This man has chosen to be tolerant rather than
to stand up for truth and morality. Lastly, this man has allowed his
feelings and fear to trump what truth and morality dictate.
The only remedy to
this challenge is an authentic relationship with God who has breathed a
personal vocation into each and every father. No father was, is, or can
be like any other father in all of human history. But, the relationship
every father has had with God in all of human history has provided each
of them the strength they needed to enter each day through the narrow
gate, to be strong, and to discipline their children.
“Discipline,” the
Letter to the Hebrews suggests, is not just a good but a
necessary thing. Why is discipline necessary? Well, who among
us—who has been disciplined by our father—has not learned as we’ve
matured in wisdom and grace that the discipline meted out was not only
necessary because we were weak and otherwise would have not matured in
wisdom and grace but also because, if our father was weak and did not
intervene, we’d have gotten ourselves into more serious problems with
potentially far graver consequences for our lives?
Certainly no father
enjoys disciplining his children, much as my father once said to me
immediately prior to a whoppin’, “This is going to hurt me more than it
will ever hurt you.” But, the greatest significance when a father
accepts his personal vocation and lives it out and brings it to
fulfillment by standing up for the truth and morality is that this
father’s love of God and neighbor will make his children, his marriage,
and his family so strong that his wife and children will also be capable
of entering their daily lives through the narrow gate.
The discipline this
father teaches doesn’t make “a difference.” No, the discipline this
father teaches makes “all the difference”…in the lives of his children
and his marriage. That is why discipline is not simply good but
necessary. Entering each day through the narrow gate and having grown
strong in grace and wisdom, this father does not fear teaching his
children what truth and morality require of them. Then, one day, this
father’s children will themselves be strong enough to do the same for
his grandchildren. Their children, marriages, and families will more
fully approximate the Kingdom of God than the Chaos that evidences the
Reign of Evil present in so many families and marriages in this
generation because of this father’s love of God and neighbor. Any
father who doesn’t get this deserves a hard “bonk” on his forehand that
will knock some sense into him for the sake of his children.
Let us pray to God
in gratitude for these men who have lived out and brought to fulfillment
their personal vocation. And let us also pray that God will lead the
young fathers in this generation to and through the narrow gate so that
they will live out and fulfill their personal vocations.
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HOMILY
