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It’s a very
sad thing to see happen. We’ve probably all witnessed it, if not
personally in our own family, then at least vicariously in the lives of
perhaps many other families we’ve observed.
The story is the
same across our nation.
Somewhere around
the beginning of middle school—the sixth grade—what otherwise has been
very thoughtful, nice, cheery, and compliant young person gradually
becomes a very selfish, angry, sullen, and rebellious teenager. What
adults know important for living a healthy and happy life becomes the
bane of this teenager who now acts out in ways absolutely contradictory
to health and happiness, not only for oneself but for others, too, like
parents, brothers and sisters, grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins,
friends, and acquaintances.
Sensing this a
phase of what many now call “normal” human development—known otherwise
as “the teenage years”—some parents sometimes will pretend to ignore the
signals of what might turn out to be the early signs of potentially
self-destructive behavior. But, as most parents now, it’s impossible to
remain silent when love demands action. So, it is not unusual that
loving parents take only so much of this abnormal development—it’s
really not “the teenage years” but the power of evil exerting its grip
upon the mind and heart of the young person—and the time finally comes
for parents to do what love requires, namely, to confront the teenager’s
unacceptable behavior.
However, the more
the teenager’s mind and heart are seized by the grip of the power of
evil, the more likely it is that the confrontation will turn ugly…very
ugly, to the point that parents ask themselves, “Why did we confront
this kid anyway? Was all of this arguing and unhappiness worth
it?”
In response to
this confrontation, perhaps the three most hurtful words the teenager
full of rage knows that he can hurl at one’s parents are “I hate
you.”
That sounds awful,
doesn’t it?
Well, let’s
take a different look at the same word.
Last Friday
evening, I had to drop some parcels off at the home of a friend.
Their nephew, niece, and their children from Altoona were staying over
Friday evening to catch a flight from Philadelphia to Orlando where they’re
going to be vacationing at Disneyworld. I was invited to share an
adult beverage with the group and accepted the invitation, of course.
Well, not long into
the conversation, the question that almost always comes up the first
time I meet someone was asked by my friend’s
niece: “So, why did you become a priest?”
Having read today’s
gospel, I decided to have some fun. I said: “Well, I hated my
mother and father. I absolutely detested my brother and sister.
I couldn’t stand most people. I hated myself so much that I
decided I’d never have a wife and children so that no one would ever be
able to blame me for their genes.”
Well, you should
have seen her face! “Slack jaw” doesn’t
describe how her jaw dropped. She is lucky that she had her
natural teeth because, if she had false teeth, they’d have popped
right out and landed on the tabletop.
Now, with all of
that having been said, let me state unequivocally this is not
what Jesus meant when he said to the great crowd of followers, “If
anyone comes to me without hating his father and mother, wife and
children, brothers and sisters, and even his own life, he cannot be my
disciple.”
I can be so
definitive in my assessment because the word Jesus uses and translated
into English as “hate” is the antonym of the Greek word, agape.
While that word can be translated in English as “love,” don’t think it
denotes the erotic form of love (eros) experienced by women and
men who are passionately in love with each other. Neither does that
word denote the familial form of love—the warmth and affection—family
members have for each other nor does that word denote an abstract or
intellectual form love as when a person loves poetry, jazz, or abstract
art (philos). No, agape is that form of love—pure and true
unadulterated love—that exists in the heart, becomes an attitude shaping
one’s behavior, and is expressed by a person who loves something greater
than oneself—for example, love of God and neighbor, love of truth, love
of self-evident eternal principles, love of one’s children—and does not
allow any lesser form of love—whether that be the desire characterizing
eros or the affection or the happiness characterized by philos—to
dissuade oneself from doing what pure and true unadulterated love
requires.
Agape
is expressed by the parent who loves God and neighbor more than oneself
to such a degree that this parent confronts one’s teenage child even if
that requires turning one’s back “even on one’s own life.” Why is
the parent willing to do this? Because the parent know that to
fail in doing what true love requires, something of far greater
consequence will likely happen to the object of one’s pure and true
unadulterated love, that is, one’s child. Any failure to do what love
requires reveals lesser forms of love sullying agape by the selfishness
of desire (eros) or the desire to keep the relationship with
one’s child warm and affectionate or the delight experienced by
surrounding oneself with things that provide immaterial happiness (philos).
When Jesus tells
the crowds following him that they must “hate” the people who are most
important and who give life meaning and purpose, what Jesus was teaching
is that his disciples must possess that particular “attitude of heart”
which allows nothing to get in the way of doing what pure and true
unadulterated love requires. What this means, in concrete terms for us
as Jesus’ disciples, is that we cannot allow any other form of love to
inform our decision making, even if it means “hating” father and mother,
wife and children, brothers and sisters, and even our own life. To do
what pure and true unadulterated love means not allowing desire (eros)
or affection or delight (philos) to get in the way of doing the right
thing.
Remember several
years back how it was rather fashionable for young people to sport WWJD
[“What Would Jesus Do?”] bracelets on attached around their wrists? The
goal was a noble one: to remind the young person of the importance of
bringing God’s wisdom to bear in daily life.
Now, there’s
nothing wrong with that. It’s something everyone of us should aspire to
do and to do in fact each and every moment of each and every day.
The problem came
as young people actually found themselves having to bring God’s wisdom
to bear in the concrete realities of daily life. When young people
would observe others lying, stealing, cheating, or using drugs, the
question suddenly changed from “What Would Jesus Do?”—that is, what does
agape require of me—to what will happen to me if I confront this
evil behavior just as Jesus did?
The problem also
came as adults found themselves having to bring God’s wisdom to bear in
daily life. In their marriages, one spouses would observe each other
acting very selfishly, caring not one whit about what one’s spouse needs
but engaging in behaviors that solely to satisfy one’s wants. See
the eros and philos operating here? Or, observing other
people—they could be relatives, friends, or co-workers—gossiping,
committing adultery, evading taxes, according second place in their
lives to their children and spouses, as well as a host of other
workplace evils, the question suddenly changed from “What Would Jesus
Do?”—that is, what does agape require of me—to “What will happen
to me if I confront this evil behavior?”
Agape
is an attitude of heart that manifests itself in our actions toward
other people. Jesus isn’t telling the people in the crowd to turn their
backs on family members, friends, neighbors, co-workers, and strangers
by “hating” them. No, quite the opposite, Jesus is telling the people
in the crowd to turn their backs on the less pure and true unadulterated
forms of love that would keep the people in the crowd from doing what
agape requires of them.
Like young people
sporting WWJD bracelets and adults who pretend to be disciples, the fear
of having to suffer for what agape requires is the very thing
that allows the power of evil to entice young people and adults away
from doing what agape requires and to respond to what eros and philos
requires. Ultimately, suffering—in the form of the Cross—is the
consequence of doing what agape requires because to do what
agape requires is to confront the power of evil head on knowing full
well what the outcome will be.
Sure, it’s
difficult for any of us to confront a misguided teenager or one’s
spouse, family members, peers, or associates. It’s also difficult for
any of us to endure the ridicule surely coming our way when we do what
agape requires. But, to choose to do what agape
requires reflects the attitude of heart that constitutes an authentic
disciple, namely, a person who makes love of God first in one’s life
above and before all else. It’s not about winning a popularity
contest.
Forget all of
those nameless and faceless people in the crowd, even Jesus’ disciples
didn’t want to hear this teaching. Yet, Jesus told his disciples that
ultimately he would have to suffer and die because doing his Father’s
will—what agape requires—was more important than “father and
mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, and even his own
life.” Love of God is first. There are no exceptions. And, there will
be no excuses for allowing any person or any thing to keep us from
acting out of pure, true unadulterated love.
Think about it:
what parent who truly loved one’s child would remain silent in the face
of a child’s evil? Or, what friend who truly loved another human being
would remain silent in the fact of that person doing evil? Then
again, would a husband or wife who truly loved one’s spouse remain
silent as the power of evil exerted an increasingly greater grip upon
the spouse’s heart?
The only answer
is “No parent, no friend, and no spouse would.”
Sadly, the simple
fact is that we do.
For the past 10
Sundays, the gospel has featured Jesus making his way to Jerusalem where
Jesus will pick up his Cross and lay down his life because that is what
agape required. In the course of this journey during the past 10
weeks, Jesus has taught his disciples—and Jesus continues to teach us
today—what the authentic discipleship requires.
This week, Jesus
directly teaches and uses parables so that the crowd will better grasp
and understand what constitutes authentic discipleship.
The difference
between wearing a WWJD bracelet and actually translating what the
bracelet signifies into action—of doing what agape requires—is
one of total and complete commitment, of leaving all false, illusory,
and lesser loves behind.
Some have said that
it’s
very much like the story where the pig and hen are arguing about the
farmer’s breakfast. Their argument focused upon which of the two
contributed the most to the farmer’s happiness. “Well, I don’t know
exactly how you feel about it,” the pig said to the hen. “But, what I do
know is that when it comes to the farmer’s bacon and eggs, all you do is
make a contribution. On the other hand, I make a total commitment!”
The challenge
Jesus issued to the crowd following him was to leave behind every
personal consideration motivated by less pure and true adulterated loves
and to act only on pure and true unadulterated love. That is what Jesus
meant when he told the crowd to “hate”—perhaps a better English
translation might be to “renounce”—father and mother, wife and children,
brothers and sisters, and even his own life…,” because discipleship
isn’t a matter of calculating the cost as if a price can be put upon
what love requires or conducting a risk/reward analysis before entering
into a business deal or stock purchase. No, discipleship is a matter of
allowing agape to be our infallible guide by taking up the Cross
and following along the pathway Jesus taught by his own example.
St. Paul remarked
that agape cannot be forced, it can only be voluntary, a choice
made by a disciple to turn one’s back on false loves, to pick up the
Cross, and to follow the pathway Jesus trod. Yes, discipleship
requires suffering. But, as St. Paul reminds us, “As we share in
Christ’s suffering, so we will share in Christ’s glory.”
A brief
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HOMILY
