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As the days get shorter and the leaves turn into beautiful colors and die, we know that Christmas isn’t too far away. In fact, Christmas is just 71 days away, a mere two months! As kids, remember looking anticipating the coming of Christmas, how long each of those days before Christmas seemed to be, and how slowly each of those days passed as we anticipated Santa’s arrival? But, when the day finally did come, remember how fast Christmas day passed by? For me, Christmas was the highlight of the year, and even more so if Santa delivered the cornucopia of unbridled avarice I lusted for. But, within a mere 24 hours—in the mere instant of a flash—the sun would dawn upon what, for me, was the worst day of the year. How so? Because on that day—the day after Christmas—none of us kids could play with our Christmas gifts until we completed writing thank you notes for the gifts we received from our grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins, and the like. Having to sit down and write all of those stupid thank you notes—when all I really wanted to do was to enjoy the stash of the loot—was a severe form of penance, to be sure. But, we had to write those thank you notes for one very simple reason: Mom said so. Her general rule was: “Before you use it, spend it, or break it, you will send a thank-you note. Period. Finito. No if’s, and’s, or but’s about it. End of discussion.” The word “gratitude” comes from the Latin root, gratitudo, meaning “to show favor or to lend or add grace to something.” Gratitude isn’t simply saying “thank you.” No, there’s more to it than that. Gratitude is to reveal something of the depths beauty and charm present in our souls. Compare the difference between these two thank you notes. The first states: “Dear Grandma and Papa: Thank you for the nice shirt you gave me for Christmas. Your grandson, Rich.” The second states: “Dear Grandma and Papa: The shirt you gave me reminds me of how much you love me and care for me. I’ll treasure memory your love longer than this shirt is likely to fit me or last. With a heart full of love and gratitude, your grandson, Rich.” It’s pretty easy to write a rote, perfunctory thank you note in order to get quickly back to the stash of Christmas loot and start having some fun. However, it’s much more difficult, isn’t it, to write a thank you note that gives expression to the grace present in our souls? Notice how, while the rote, perfunctory thank you note does say “thank you,” it reveals nothing of the writer’s beauty and charm present in the soul of one of God’s sons or daughters. Some have said, “Gratitude is an attitude.” Sorry, gratitude is much more than an attitude. A study by Dr. Michael McCullough, professor of psychology and religious studies at the University of Miami, demonstrates just that point. McCullough, who co-authored The Psychology of Gratitude, asked his subjects to write down four or five things they were grateful for each day. In as little as two weeks, his subjects began feeling happier. In addition, McCullough found that people who are grateful are also happier, more resilient, and less depressed. They also have higher self-esteem and enjoy better personal relationships. These results suggest that gratitude is much more than simply being polite or the result of positive thinking. Gratitude is not an attitude but a way of life, I would suggest, one that is a “miracle-working force.” That is, if all of us were to express something of the beauty and charm present in our souls by putting into words our gratitude, we would be able to change our lives, our marriages, and our families in quite remarkable ways. Why? Because, don’t forget the Latin root of gratitude is that of the English word “grace.” Gratitude bespeaks the presence of God’s grace in our souls! Would that each of us expressed gratitude for life each day! Would that every husband expresses his gratitude for his wife each day! Would that every wife expresses her gratitude for her husband each day! Would that every Mom and Dad expresses gratitude for their children each day! Would that every child expresses gratitude for one’s parents each day! Think of the power that expression of gratitude has to change our live, marriages, and families! Spiritually speaking, the problem isn’t that our souls are devoid of gratitude. Even with those rote and perfunctory thank you notes we write on the day after Christmas, we reveal a glimmer of the gratitude present in our souls. Spiritually speaking, the problem is that we fail to express sufficiently the gratitude present in our souls and, over time, we begin take ourselves for granted. Spouses take each other for granted. Parents take their children for granted. Children take their parents for granted. This lack of gratitude then becomes normative, shaping how we look at ourselves and others, and consequently our relationships become increasingly rote and perfunctory. Think back: when was the last time you uttered a rote and perfunctory “Thank you” to your spouse, your children, or your parents? Now think back: when was the last time you expressed gratitude to your spouse, your children, or your parents? If the pollsters are correct, only a handful of us have recently said “Thank you,” but only a very few of us have ever expressed our gratitude. How sad life is when we don’t have anything for which we are grateful and how impoverished the other important people in our lives are when we never expressed our gratitude to them. However, as we increasingly take people for granted, we fail to be grateful. The simple fact is, however, that even in the midst of challenging circumstances, we can find something for which we are truly grateful. And, best of all, the more we open express our grateful to people around us, the more we see all of what we can be grateful for, things that we never saw before! Between “here” and “there,” however, we may need to learn (or to re-learn) to cultivate gratitude in our souls. Here’s three ways: · Keep a gratitude journal. Each day, jot down five things for which you are grateful. At first, it might be difficult to come up with five different things each and every day. But, keep at it because, before long (perhaps two weeks), you will be pleasantly surprised at how expressing gratitude in this way causes you to recognize how much more you have to be grateful for than you might have ever imagined. · Give voice to your gratitude. Each day, tell one person—your spouse, a child, or a parent—something about that person for which you are grateful. One way to do this is to say “goodnight” each evening to a family member by sharing something you were grateful for that day. Any ritual based upon gratitude will reinforce its power and as the ritual becomes increasingly habitual, the more you will discover yourself express your gratitude and the more you will see wonderful things you never noticed before.
·
Don’t forget those Christmas thank you notes.
But, don’t limit them to Christmas. When you experience gratitude for
people in your life, be bold enough to say it in a note card or letter.
One of the great tragedies in life is that, all too often, we don’t
know what we mean to others and it isn’t until tragedy strikes that the
wealth of gratitude that has gone unexpressed is expressed. That does
no good if the person is dead! Each of us can take one small step
toward changing this attitude of taking people for granted by regularly
writing note cards or letters of gratitude to a spouse, a child, a
parent, or friend. In these and so many other very small ways, each of us has it within our power to make gratitude a habit that has the power to change our lives, our marriages, and our families. Expressing our gratitude will reshape and inform how we look at and evaluate our lives, marriages, and families. Before too long, we will begin to realize how much in life we have to be grateful for! Then, when challenges arise in our lives, marriages, and families—as surely they will—we will be fortified by the power of gratitude not to blow everything out of perspective. But, all of that speaks to us as human beings who oftentimes fail to express our gratitude to and for one another. As spiritual creatures, how often do we express our gratitude to and for God? Do we even see and reflect upon how God has so richly blessed us? Or, is God the “Great Absent One” in our lives, the One who we take for granted until challenges or tragedy strikes? Consider St. Paul. Imprisoned and awaiting execution in Rome, St. Paul writes to Timothy. Abandoned and left alone in a prison—which really was more like a dank and dark underground cellar where prisoners were chained to walls, a place where it would be very easy to succumb to despair—St. Paul encourages Timothy to live a life filled with gratitude. “So what if I am in prison?” St. Paul asks. “I am freed by Christ!” St. Paul’s knowledge of this freedom not only gave him reason not to give in to despair but also to express gratitude. Gratitude for the freedom won by Christ provided the spiritual power that enabled St. Paul to endure hardship, torture, and even death. But, what of us? How do we demonstrate our gratitude to God? As individuals, spouses, and members of families: do we devote time each day to prayer? do we read scripture? do we invite God into our homes through rituals like prayer before meals and celebrating Eucharist as a family each Sunday? are we like the Samaritan who returned to Jesus to express gratitude for his healing? Remember this spiritual maxim: what provokes misery in the ungrateful provokes wonder and joy in the grateful. Think about what this maxim says: to the degree that one of us feels miserable, that’s the degree to which our souls are devoid of gratitude; to the degree that one of us feels blessed even in misery, that the degree to which gratitude reigns in our souls. Gratitude signals a conversion from self-centeredness to the selfless demonstration of regard for the gift of other people whom God has place into our lives. Like St. Paul and the Samaritan, giving voice to the gratitude present in out hearts has the power to change our lives, our marriages, our families, and our relationship with God. With words of gratitude passing from our lips, we are transformed to see with the eyes of God. That is how Jesus recognized the Samaritan leper—the man whom Jesus had healed. When we speak words of gratitude, we will be transformed to see ourselves, our spouse, our children, and our parents with the eyes of God and to make of everything—even the challenges and sometimes the miseries—a blessing for our lives. Gratitude, then, is not an attitude but a learned behavior. It begins when our parents—most likely, our Moms—force us to write thank you notes on the day after Christmas. But, gratitude grows as we give voice to those words—reflecting the beauty and charm present in our souls—which tell others—our spouses, our children, and our parents—how they are a blessing in our lives. That Good News—the gospel of Jesus Christ—has the power to transform lepers into saints.
A brief
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HOMILY
