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“You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” One of the games students historically love to play with teachers is that of pitting them against each another by exploiting personal or professional differences among teachers to a student’s advantage. Many teenagers enjoy playing this very same game with their parents. Just this past week, one of my students attempted to play this game with me. Waltzing into class, the student said, “Fr. Jacobs, I was talking with Dr. So-and-So about you this past week. Do you want to know what Dr. So-and-So said?” Knowing this game all too well and how it oftentimes ends up embarrassing the teacher who responds “Yes”, I responded: “No, I’m not really interested in hearing what Dr. So-and-So had to say.” Normally, this terminates the game and class proceeds. But, no, not with this student. Not heeding my negative response, the student proceeded to say, “Dr. So-and-So said I was very lucky to have you as a teacher. He said you are a gifted teacher and extremely knowledgeable about your area.” Okay, I admit it. The student caught my attention. I was like a walleye pike hooked on a daredevil lure. But, still, I didn’t respond. “He also said,” the student continued, “‘Now, there’s a man who really loves himself’.” “So, what do you think about that?”, the student asked sporting an Eddie Haskell-type of silly smirk on his face. In all probability, he was thinking I would be embarrassed and insulted by what this colleague had said to this student. Now, I happen to know through the lessons of harsh, personal experience that this faculty colleague detests me and has for years. Why? Many years back, I was involved as decisions were being made that hurt him professionally and he took the consequences of those decisions quite personally. Suffice it to say, those decisions weren’t arrived at easily nor were those decisions personal. They were based entirely upon indisputable facts. All of that didn’t matter, however. Since the day those decisions and their ramifications were announced to this colleague, I think it fair to say, he has found it extremely difficult to countenance me. Furthermore, knowing what I know of the facts involved, it is difficult for me to gin up the generosity it takes to be kind to that colleague whenever we run into each other. Sound like real life? Now back to the story. Rather than engage in this student’s game by stating forthrightly what was really going through my mind, I responded, “I’m glad he said that. After all, Jesus did teach ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ It’s because I love myself that I can love other people.” I swear on a stack of Bibles: I did not premeditate that statement, nor have I ever uttered that statement or thought of it before. It was sort of like all of a sudden “there it was,” as if the Holy Spirit put those words into my mouth. And, I have to admit, judging from the look on the other students’ faces, they were as astonished―as was I―by my response. Reflecting upon that statement as I journeyed home following class that evening—and I promise you that I had not read today’s gospel before that interaction with the student—I came to realize what a great insight Jesus had when he taught the Pharisees, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” That teaching simply put: as disciples, we must love ourselves if we are going to be able to love our neighbor. Let’s think about what that might mean by considering the opposite case first, namely, a person who does not love himself and, out of this deficit, endeavors with all of his might to try to love others. Yes, this person might give people things that symbolize his love. Those could include inexpensive or very expensive trinkets and baubles, terms expressing endearment or affection, or the exchange of warm, fuzzy ideas and thoughts. Yet, as nice as all of these things are, they are just that…things. Not possessing love of self, this person is incapable of giving love to others because he cannot give what he himself does not possess. As the ancient Romans said, “You cannot give what you do not possess” (in Latin, “Nemo quod dat non habet”). We don’t oftentimes think about it, but this is an especially pernicious evil permeating our culture today. While God has richly blessed us with all sorts of creature comforts, toys, and possessions that undoubtedly increase life’s pleasures, those things have a stealthy way of possessing us. That is, they trick us into believing that what’s most important in life are those things. This crass and pernicious evil is called “materialism.” Then, once we have allowed ourselves to be duped into believing that what’s most important in life are all of those things, we begin to hunger not only for more and more of those things. But, when the “new” and “improved” versions of those things we already possess are announced in television commercials, newspaper advertisements, or web ads, we just as quickly also grow disgusted by and detest what we possess. Then, we’ll do just about anything to acquire the updated or upgraded version. What is true of things is equally true of people. How quickly we willingly toss aside a friendship or even a marriage because we’ve become bored by another human being! This crass and pernicious evil is called “consumerism.” Why is this an especially crass and pernicious evil? We choose to fill the gaping hole in our lives caused by the fact that we do not love ourselves with things and people, false in the belief that these will make us happy. But, it isn’t all that long before we become like the dog that is fascinated by his tail and chases it in circle after circle until the dog bites its tail and suddenly realizes its utter foolishness. The problem for us, however, is that consumerism makes it increasingly difficult for us to realize our utter foolishness. What we do when we succumb to the crass and pernicious evils of materialism and consumerism is that we become selfish. Then, we seek to fill that gap in our lives without giving one hoot for what this attitude means for not only for ourselves but for other people as well. In contrast, Jesus taught the Pharisees to love themselves in order that they might love their neighbor. Let’s start our attempt to understand this important and salvific teaching, first, by looking at some of the obstacles we oftentimes put in the way of love of self because we think love is something earned. For example, many of us look at ourselves and say, “I will love myself when I am thinner. I will love myself when I stop messing up so much. I will love myself when I stop being so insecure. I will love myself when I am like so-and-so.” What we basically are saying in each of these statements is “I will love myself when I am no longer the way I am.” Now think about this silliness. Would any of us ever say to our best friend, “I won’t love you until you lose weight?” Would any of us ever say, “I won’t love you because you aren’t perfect or because you keep messing up?” Of course not. Yet, is this not how we oftentimes speak to ourselves? And that’s to say nothing about what our faith teaches. God has created each of us in His divine image and likeness. Discontent with the product of God’s creation, are we going to shake our fist at and blame God for creating us in the way God wanted from the beginning of time rather than the way we want today? Are we so crazed by our self-loathing and self-hatred that we’ve grown so angry with God that we can’t even grasp what it may be that God is trying to reveal through us to the world in exactly the way God created us? Let’s now consider what it means to love oneself. According to the Canadian psychologist, C. Rainfield, a person who loves oneself: · knows and can identify what others sees and value in oneself; · is comfortable being alone with oneself; · is compassionate toward oneself in failure and praises oneself in success; · is self-critical not self-condemning; · treats oneself as one would a friend; and,
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routinely asks of oneself, “What can I do to help myself be more
compassionate and loving toward myself?” As odd as each item on Dr. Rainfield’s list may appear at first, these behaviors actually lead not to the development of a selfish person but the development of a person whose authentic and healthy self-love makes it possible for that person to love one’s neighbor as that person loves herself. The valuable gift people who love themselves are able to give to others is not anything material but the gift of themselves, that is, a spiritually healthy and virtuous person. None of us can simply wish or hope ourselves into loving ourselves. No, as the psychologist, Erich Fromm, noted several decades back in his book, The Art of Loving, love of self is an art that requires patience, confidence, discipline, concentration, faith, and daily practice. Then, as we gradually learn to love ourselves, we become like the teacher who shares one’s knowledge with one’s students. At the end of the class, while the teacher retains the knowledge shared, the students have acquired it. Our love of self is like the teacher's knowledge in that love of self must be shared otherwise it becomes selfish. Furthermore, the more we love ourselves, the more of our self-goodness we have available to share with others. Learning to love ourselves may be the greatest love we ever will experience and achieve in our lives. Self-love is neither “selfish” nor is it “bad.” When we love ourselves, we feel good about ourselves and, at the same time, we also feel better about others. Any parent or caregiver understands this well. It is impossible to love others and to care for them if we don’t first love and care for ourselves. Love of self is re-energizing, giving us a wealth of energy not only for ourselves but also to share with the people we love as well as those in our care. The person who loves himself is generally happier and much more pleasant to be around than the person who does not love himself. In addition, embodying self-love is the greatest example we can set for our children, for those whom we love, for our friends, and for all those whom we encounter. Jesus teaches us today to love ourselves—not in a selfish, self-centered way that produces a lifestyle of self-indulgence in a materialist and consumerist culture—but in a balanced, Godly way, one that affirms God’s creation as essentially good. Love of self makes it possible for each of us to acknowledge that we are flawed for a variety of reasons, but love of self does not allow us to judge ourselves as worthless, good-for-nothings fit only for the ash heap or trash can. If we are to love others and express our love in this spiritually mature way that Jesus taught the Pharisees, we must develop that love of self which enables us to say, “I can love what God loves. I may not love everything I do, but I do accept myself because God accepts me.” This spiritually mature love of self also enables us to say, “I know I need to change. I want to change. I will change. But, meanwhile, I will not abhor, denigrate, or reject what God has created. I will accept myself as I am right now, because I know I am not going to allow myself to remain this way.” Have you ever been nice to someone who was feeling down or complimented someone and, then, seen that person transform right before your eyes? He or she instantly becomes more relaxed, attractive, or even funnier. Say something nice to someone who is feeling down and this person’s face will glow. A little sparkle also alights in this person’s eyes. This isn’t your imagination deceiving you. No, this is the authentic transformation people who love themselves are able to effect in others because people who love themselves are able to compliment themselves, have seen the transformation this has effected in them, and are able to love others as the love themselves. You know how you can identify people who love themselves? It’s actually pretty easy. First: they don’t take themselves too seriously. Second: they laugh lustily at themselves. Third: they admit their mistakes. Fourth: they tell jokes about themselves. And, above all, fifth: they make a gift of themselves that enriches the lives of other people. After years of listening to many, many people gripe and complain about all of their bad relationships, I have discovered time and again that many of these people just simply don’t love themselves. Yes, some know this, but many others are clueless. Because of this lack of self-understanding, they don’t understand nor do they appreciate how the root of so many other problems in their lives is that they don’t love themselves. It is true: self-rejection and even self-hatred are the root causes of many relationship problems. God created us to have great relationships with a great number of people. But, if we are to enjoy those relationships, we must first take to heart Jesus’ teaching, “you shall love your neighbor as yourself,” and allow its saving power to transform us. Give it a try. You’re likely to discover that you judge yourself more harshly than God has or ever will. God wants you to love yourself so that you are able to love your neighbor as yourself.
A brief
commercial break... First: at some point during the day on the Solemnity of All Saints (November 1), have each family member remember (or write down) the deceased members of the family, relatives, and friends who have died, who used to be called the "Poor Souls." Second: just before beginning dinner on the evening of All Saints Day, place a blessed candle―symbolizing "Jesus the Light that has come into the world"―in the center of the dinner table and gather the family around the dinner table. Third: have one family member extinguish the lights and, in the darkness and beginning with the youngest member of the family and proceeding to the oldest member of the family, identify by name each of the "Poor Souls." Fourth: have the oldest child light the blessed candle as all family members say, "Jesus Christ is the Light that has come into the world." Fifth: in response, the family prays together: "Eternal rest grant unto them, O Lord. And let perpetual light shine upon them. May their souls and all the souls of the faithful departed rest in peace. Amen." This very brief ritual reminds everyone in the family that life is immensely precious and death is all-consuming. With Christ and in the resurrection of the body, there is light, warmth, life, and hope.
2) With only 60 days left until Christmas Day, the people at Magnificat® produce a companion edition for the season of Advent. Similar to a what older Catholics may remember as a "prayer book," the companion edition contains all sorts of prayers, readings, reflections, art, and activities for every member of the family to prepare each day of the season of Advent for the coming of Christ at Christmas. Grandparents might consider purchasing a copy for themselves and copies for each of their grandchildren. Confirmation sponsors might consider purchasing a copy for themselves as well as the person they sponsored in the faith. Spouses might purchase a copy for themselves and use it for daily prayer during the season of Advent. Parents might purchase a copy for the family and use it to lead prayer before dinner each evening. At a price of $3.95 for 1-4 copies plus $1 shipping/handling, $2.50 for 5-9 copies plus $3 shipping/handling, and $1.50 for 10-49 copies (plus $5 shipping/handling), the companion edition makes a perfect and very affordable opportunity to prepare for the coming of Christ at Christmas as well as an Advent gift to spur family, friends, and colleagues toward greater spiritual growth during the season of Advent. The companion edition has a limited press run that sells out each year. Furthermore, orders are filled in the order received. So, place your order early. To
place an order for the 2008 companion edition of Magnificat® for the
season of Advent, call
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HOMILY
