|
I frequently ask the question “What do you want to be when you grow
up?” of my students as well as the young couples I work with who are
preparing for the Sacrament of Marriage. After floundering around
for a bit, they usually will say something along the lines of what
each would like to achieve in their lives. Primary is earning lots
of money and being able to buy all of the toys that are believed to
bring happiness. Secondary is the career that each would hope to
enjoy. “No, no, no,” I respond with a tone of dejection, wagging my
head back and forth to suggest they’ve made the wrong response.
“No, who has God created you to become?”
Idle chat takes a sudden turn into more serious discussion as these
students and young adults discuss matters like virtue, character,
and goodness. It is only at this point that I raise the
all-important question: “And how will the decisions you are going to
make today bring that outcome about?” After all, what’s important
is not what any of us wants to become but who God has
created us to become. This is the only way our lives will truly
make a difference in this chaotic world and we will experience true
happiness (i.e., that which by nature we desire to possess and the
possession of which can never be taken away).
Today’s feast of the Holy Family of Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, raises
a similar question for spouses, their children, and each family
unit: “What do you want your marriage and family to be?” After all
of the platitudes are espoused, which oftentimes liken the ideal
marriage and family to that of Charles and Caroline Ingalls in the
television series Little House on the Prairie or John and
Olivia Walton in The Waltons, the all-important question must
be answered: And how will the decisions you will make today bring
that outcome about?” It isn’t enough to espouse all of those pious
platitudes about what we want our marriages and families to be like;
more significantly—and more demanding—is what each of us is going to
do to bring these about.
My nephew and his wife found out the day before Christmas that they
are going to be parents. The “shock” of the fact that their lives
will never be the same again hasn’t yet abated, but now is time for
them to begin thinking about what they hope to be the result of
their marriage, parenting, and family life and, then, to begin
thinking backwards from that. Sure, its a good thing for Brenden
and Nikki to contemplate the ideals, the Ingalls, Waltons, and their
own parents as well. But, then, it’s time to decide what needs
be done today if the hoped-for future is to be realized, given God’s
grace. I’m pretty confident for my nephew and his wife in this
regard. She’s already decided to leave her career in the
pharmaceutical industry to be a “stay-at-home Mom.” In today’s
world, that’s quite a sacrifice―which means, in Latin, “to make
holy”―and especially for those women who believe this is tantamount
to submitting themselves to their husbands, as St. Paul called for
in today’s epistle.
One commandment is at the heart of today’s Feast of the Holy Family
of Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. You’ve probably already guessed which
one: the fourth commandment which states “Honor your father and
mother.” It’s a commandment that many people today—moms, dads, and
kids, too—find troublesome as each day they confront the challenges
of building not just good marriages and families but also, and more
importantly, holy marriages and families. This commandment
is two-pronged. It requires, first, that spouses and parents live
in a way deserving of honor. It requires, second, that children
give their parents the honor they are owed because of their virtue,
character, and goodness.
And so, parents: as we consider today what it means to be a
“holy family” think back to when you were married and first learned
that you’d soon be parents. What ideals did you set for yourselves
and now, looking back, where do you find yourself today? Let’s
engage in a little examination of conscience:
·
What have you and your spouse vowed yourselves to be for each other
so that your children would learn from you what it meant to be a
holy family?
·
What vision and values have you espoused and sought to make the
primary focus of your family life each and every day?
·
As spouses, has your behavior—your words and actions—communicated
that vision and those values to your children? (Or, if you can’t
identify anything concrete: Forget yesterday, last week, and even
last year, how will what you do today make it possible for your
vision and values to come to fruition in the life of your family?)
In today’s reading from the Book of Sirach, we heard: “God sets a
father in honor over his children [and even when he’s
lost his mind];
a mother’s authority he confirms over her sons.” It’s pretty easy
to demand honor because one happens to be a biological parent. We
all know, however, that it’s quite a different matter for parents to
live out their marriage vows in such a way that children honor their
father and mother because they provide the religious and spiritual
leadership it takes to grow and mature as a holy family.
Then, too, consider Mary and Joseph in today’s gospel. They took
Jesus to church, fulfilling the religious laws concerning ritual
purification and presentation. If you are here today with your
children, that’s great! Your behavior indicates to your children
that there is a higher law—God’s law—to which even human beings—even
parents—are responsible. Yet, even so, when you are in church with
your children, do you bring them with the idea that you are
presenting your children to God so that He will purify them of any
impurity so that you may become a holy family? This raises some
important questions about your focus when you come to church:
·
Do you regularly thank God for the gift of your spouse, your
children, and your family? After all, for many people, the
realization of these gifts comes only at a funeral when hearts are
filled with regret that one’s
heartfelt thanks was never expressed.
·
Do you pray for your spouse and children and converse with God about
them? After all, don’t you think God is as interested in them and
their healthy growth and development as you are?
·
Do you offer your children to God as the first and best fruits of
your work? After all, is that not your primary work?
·
Do you ask God to purify your children from sin and its effects so
that you may become a holy family? After all, it’s unusual that
children are sinless.
Then, after you leave church and are at home, do your children
experience you as their primary teacher of our faith and religion?
In word and in act, do you model for your children a vibrant and
living relationship with God? Practically speaking:
·
Do you lead your children in daily prayer?
·
Do you read and discuss scripture with your children?
·
Do you provide instruction and wisdom about our faith and religion
from the Catechism of the Catholic Church?
Again, the commandment
“You shall honor your
mother and father”
first requires parents who deserve honor for the quality and
character of their marriages and lives as God’s ministers in the
domestic church. Yes, parents bear a pastoral ministry, one
entrusted to them by God, by blessing parents with the gift of
children. To fulfill this important ministry, that of parenting,
requires obedience to God and conscious decisions—here and now, day
in and day out—to put into practice those behaviors that will bring
parents well-deserved honor because it is earned, not demanded or
purchased.
And so, kids: as we consider today what it means to be a
“holy family,” think back what you need from your parents.
(Notice, I didn’t say “what you want from your parents.”
Consider how you speak with your peers, for example. What are the
standards you have set for your parents?)
·
What is it that you want to be when you grow up? Not what
you want to become but who you want to become?
·
What is the quality of character that will make your life have a
deep and abiding sense of purpose that, in turn, will make it
possible for you to exude those virtues that you will make you more
attractive as a person than your physical appearances or possessions
ever could?
·
And, then, the very tough question: Who most deserves honor,
respect, and obedience because they model this quality of character
for you and won’t tolerate you living down to any lesser standard?
Again, the commandment to honor your parents requires children who
honor the quality and character of their parents who struggle so
hard—not just to survive, but more importantly—to grow as God’s
family—as a holy family. Of course, this requires obedience
and making conscious decisions—here and now, day in and day out—to
put obedience into practice by honoring, respecting, and attending
to your parents’ directions because they have vowed themselves to
God on your behalf.
When you have a moment today, ask your parents this question: Is
being obedient easy? Remember: they have vowed to love, honor, and
obey each other all the days of their lives. So, they have some
experience with obedience. More than likely, your parents will tell
you that it’s not easy to be obedient. Without obedience, however,
there will be no honor. And, without anything to honor, there isn’t
much of anything to nurture love.
After asking your parent that question, then ask yourself these
questions:
·
Have you ever thanked God for the gift of your parents and the gift
of the good marriage, holy family, and home they are working hard to
build? After all, it’s so very easy to take all of that for
granted.
·
Do you pray for your parents each day and converse with God about
them? After all, there’s certainly a lot to pray about. So, why not
begin with what’s close to home?
·
When you come to church, do you pray for your parents? After all,
do you think that God isn’t interested in how the parents He has
selected for you are doing?
·
Do you ask God to purify your parents from sin and its effects?
After all, even though most children believe their parents should be
perfect and hold them to that standard, it’s highly unusual that
parents are sinless.
All too often, young people will talk today about how they are
“victims” of “dysfunctional” families and family members. They
point to all of the obvious failures of family members, especially
their parents. Some young people even talk about how they “hate”
their parents and can’t wait until they are freed from what they
liken to the “prison” of their home. These young people say they
feel victimized because they are “stuck” with parents they never
chose. In light of these kinds of statements, I can tell you this:
every young person I know who has said this and I have asked “Do you
ever pray for your parents?”, not one has ever responded “Yes, I
do.”
The Feast of the Holy Family of Jesus, Mary, and Joseph is not some
sentimental and pious recollection of what probably wasn’t perfect
family bliss of the Ingalls or Walton variety. No, today’s feast
recalls the fact that—just like each of us—Jesus was not simply a
product of nature but also a product of nurture:
·
Jesus grew up in a home;
·
it was an environment created by Mary and Joseph as they fulfilled
their vows to one another and to God;
·
Mary and Joseph made decisions that taught Jesus about obedience,
that is, to bend his will to that of his parents by honoring them;
and,
·
these learning experiences, provided by parents whose words and
actions evidenced a profound love of God at the center of their
lives and marriage, enabled Jesus to trust them as his parents, and
as an adult, to fulfill the will of his heavenly Father’s despite
the pain and suffering.
Can you imagine how proud Mary and Joseph are of their son? Can you
imagine how proud of his parents Jesus is? All of this didn’t come
about simply as Jesus, Mary, or Joseph wished it into being or as
they closed their eyes, clicked their heels together, and were
suddenly transported with Toto to Nazareth. No, it was a direct
result of making decisions day in and day out: Mary and Joseph to be
honorable and Jesus to honor his mother and father.
This presents our challenge today. We live in a culture whose
members are desperate to honor just about anything and everything
other than parents. The good news, however, is that God has given
us the opportunity to turn all of that around, first, by identifying
who we want to become and, second, making decisions today
that will translate that from an idea into honorable behavior.
|
HOMILY
