HOMILY
The Third Sunday of Easter (B)
26 April 09

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In today’s gospel, Jesus asked his disciples two questions: “Why are you troubled? And why do questions arise in your hearts?”

Those are two very excellent questions! In fact, if we want to live our lives with greater purpose as Jesus’ disciple, they’re the very questions we should ask ourselves and answer each and every day since Jesus put those very questions to his disciples, following his resurrection.  The answers to those questions reveal our priorities and, many times, our misguided and upside-down priorities, indicating our need for conversion.

So, what’s troubling you today? What are the questions arising in your hearts today?

Try as we might, we cannot evade answering those questions. Worse yet, there are a lot of us who believe that not answering those two questions will make them go away. But, if we take a moment to think about those questions, the answers are what cause us to wake up in the middle of the night, rendering us insomniacs. Those answers also distract us during our waking hours while we perform work, chores, or to catch a nap because we were up all night fretting. Worse yet, the answers oftentimes morph into six-ton, stinking elephants that end up sitting right there, smack dab in the middle of our lives.

Jesus asks his disciples those two questions because the answers, as they reveal our priorities and challenge us to conversion, also allow God’s power to breathe new life into what otherwise feels like it is quickly becoming or has grown lifeless.

Take your marriage, for example. “Why are you troubled? And why do questions arise in your hearts?” Think carefully for a few moments about your answers to these questions. Got the answers?

Research has consistently indicated that what troubles spouses most in their marriages and the questions that arise in their hearts most frequently concern finances, children (parenting), sex, and their relationship. That last item, of course, was parodied so well in the television series, All In The Family, where Edith Bunker (Archie Bunker’s wife) would say, “Archie, we’ve gotta talk.”  “Geezzz Edith,” Archie would respond, “We’re always talking.  What else could there possibly be to talk about?”  Reflect for a moment upon what you talked with your spouse about this past week. Does the content of those conversations fit the pretty typical pattern of what most troubles spouses and most frequently raises questions in their hearts? Try as you might, it’s pretty hard to dismiss those thoughts, isn’t it?

Research also consistently indicates that strong marital relationships are characterized by good spousal communication about these troubles and questions, with these spouses finding it easier to discuss finances, a little more difficult to discuss children (parenting), a lot more difficult when discussing sex, and extremely difficult to discuss their relationship. To strengthen these strong marital relationships, psychologists encourage spouses to learn how to engage each other in communicating more frequently and in greater intensity about their relationship. For example, think about taking a walk together several times each week, focusing specifically upon your relationship. Doing so can have health as well as relational benefits.

Conversely, weak marital relationships are oftentimes characterized by poor communication, with disagreements about finances and children (parenting) predominating (and, it might be added, leading to arguments) with communication about sex hardly discussed, and their relationship never being addressed except, perhaps, during an argument about finances, children (parenting), or sex. Sound familiar? If so, quite likely there’s a six-ton, stinking elephant sitting smack dab in the middle of your marriage. It’s not going to disappear and, if you chose to do nothing about it, you’re only choosing to ensure that you will not ever have a strong marriage, save some divine intervention.

The good news is that almost every marriage experiences at least some troubles and questions in these four areas. So, it’s quite likely that every marriage falls somewhere along the continuum ranging from “strong” to “weak,” with some stronger and others weaker. What this means is that it would be good for spouses to begin working on communicating about the troubles and questions relating to their relationship before they grow into much larger problems than they may be today.

Now all of this strikes me as very good psychology and suitable for marriage, in general. Yet, as good as that might be for most marriages, for Catholics there is something “extra” to be experienced in marriage which we view as a sacrament. The research is almost completely silent about this something “extra” and, it is something pastoral counselors have discovered is more difficult for spouses to discuss than finances, children (parenting), sex, or their relationship. What is that something “extra”? It’s communication about the role and practice of faith in the marriage. Ask yourself this question: How often during this past week have you and your spouse discussed your faith and its practice?

Catholics view marriage as a sacrament, elevating marriage from a natural and biological drive to a spiritual way of life. A marriage involves not only a man and a woman in a relationship of mutual love, fidelity, and trust but also involves God who is equally committed in mutual love, fidelity, and trust to both spouses. Yet, for most married couples, God is not only the “Great Disinvited Marriage Partner,” but the things of God-like living—daily prayer, scripture reading, and worship—are also viewed as not essential to the marriage relationship. Neither are they discussed. How can the sacrament thrive and join spouses in God’s love if they fear or are unwilling to communicate about the role and practice of faith in their marriage?

It is almost infallibly true in marriages where troubles and questions have grown into six-ton, stinking elephants sitting smack dab in the middle of the marriage, that the spouses never communicate about the role and practice of faith in their relationship. Yet, in marriages where spouses rate the quality of their marriage as “good” to “excellent,” it is almost infallibly true that they communicate well not only about finances, children (parenting), sex, and their relationship but also about the role and practice of faith in their marriage.

“Why are you troubled? And why do questions arise in your hearts?” Jesus asked his disciples. The answers to those questions have the power to breathe new life into what feels like it may be growing or has grown lifeless. But, because Jesus’ resurrection from the dead is not about death but the new life that emerges out of death, spouses who wish their marriage to be a sacrament—an outward sign to the world of God’s transforming grace—would do well to consider praying together and fervently.

So, as a start, what might spouses pray? Taking a cue from today’s opening prayer, they might together pray each day using words like these:

God our Father,

You have created us your son and daughter.

Restore the joy of our youth

when we were first married and,

through the resurrection of Jesus Christ,

strengthen us to bring our troubles and questions

  out into the light of day,

so that we will answer your call,

experience Your peace,

and be an outward sign of your grace to the world,

as we stand in Your presence until eternity dawns.

We ask this through Christ our Lord.

“Peace I give you” (John 14:27), Jesus said to his disciples. This peace—a peace not of this world which the world cannot give—possesses God’s power to calm all of our troubles and to answer all of our questions. Married or single, it matters not. Do you want to overcome your troubles and questions and to experience the peace that Jesus is offering you? Do you want to sleep undisturbed through the night? Do you want not to be distracted by all your troubles and questions? All you have to do is to invite God back into your life by accepting the peace which the Risen Lord offers as a gift today by answering those two questions and entrusting them to the Risen Lord.

Then, as Jesus said to the disciples, “Touch me and see that it is I.” Be filled with joy that everything written in the Law, Prophets, and Psalms has been fulfilled. Then, as outward signs of God’s transforming grace, witnessto these things to the ends of the earth.  How many people do you know who don’t know of God’s love and are burdened by many troubles and questions? Let those around you see your life and marriage as these have been transformed by God’s grace.

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