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I believe it was St. John Chrysostom who said in the mid-fourth
century that religious discussions should be kept out of public bars
and discussed only when both parties are sober as judges. As a
staunch and fearless defender of the Christian faith, St. John
Chrysostom had vast experience in how discussions about religious
and political matters oftentimes follow similar trajectories.
It all starts when two otherwise good and well-intentioned
people—each possessing bi-polar points of view—broach a particular
topic, usually while consuming adult beverages. Then, just as
happens during a fencing match, one of the two will thrust his or
her particular opinion forward hoping to strike a mortal blow
and, then, steps back. Unscathed, the other will thrust his or her
particular opinion forward, also hoping to strike a mortal blow
and, then, steps back. As these combatants vie back and forth, each
thrusts his or her opinions forward as if they are facts, lending
what each believes is irrefutable arguments in support of their
particular opinions. Talking past each other yet having landed no mortal
blows, the two grow louder and, as their passions rise, they start
shouting at each another. Yet, both sides to the duel remain unconvinced
of anything other than their personal opinion. So, it’s time to
unveil their most wounding of assaults: they hurl ad hominem
attacks at each other. In the best ending to this story, they walk
away understanding much better exactly why they detest each other so
much.
The reason St. John Chrysostom understood all of this so very well
is that he engaged the Emperor’s wife, Macrina, in many such
debates, accused her of many evils including corruption, and called
her by many names. For her part, Macrina detested St. John
Chrysostom so much so that she had him exiled from Constantinople
several times. St. John Chrysostom died in exile; I seem to
recall that it was his eighth exile from Constantinople.
What about you? Ever been there? Ever seen that? Ever done that?
The Pharisees very much wanted to play that game with Jesus in
today’s gospel by asking him whether divorce was lawful for Jews,
which it was according to Mosaic law. But, let’s
remember why. Evidently, divorce
was such a big problem for the ancient Israelites that Moses was
willing to grant an exception to God’s law rather than have to put
up with the hassle of trying to get married couples to work their
problems out so that they could grow in love and unity. Moses
probably found himself incapable of negotiating the thickets of
marital hate that he found himself the target of their animus. The
simple truth may be that so many couples were so divided and
unwilling to fulfill their marital
commitments, jousting
back and forth with each other and Moses as well, that he finally
decided to grant an exemption and let God handle the matter.
The game the Pharisees were playing with Jesus is similar
to the game teenagers play with their parents when they announce a
curfew. How long before a teenager asks, “Well, what if I come home
five minutes later?” Students also play this game with teachers
when they announce an “open book” quiz or test. How long before one
student asks, “Can we use our notes, too?” How many of us have
wondered how many miles per hour over the speed limit we must be
driving before a police officer will issue a ticket? It seems
part-and-parcel of human nature that we want how far we can stretch
the limits of the law before some penalty will be exacted. Let us not
forget, however: we already know what the law states! We just don’t
want it applied to us, like all of those couple demanding divorces
from Moses.
The question the Pharisees asked Jesus was no hypothetical
question. No, it was a very practical question concerning a
hotly-debated religious and political issue in Jerusalem. Selecting
one side or another in this particular debate—Moses allowed Jews to
divorce and the Emperor himself had divorced and remarried many
times—Jesus was sure to earn the enmity of his opponents if Jesus
was to disallow divorce.
So, was Moses correct in allowing divorce?
“Because of the hardness of your hearts Moses wrote you this commandment,” Jesus told the Pharisees.
“Yes,”
Jesus is saying,
“the
letter of the law is that Moses did allow divorce. But, Moses only
did so because of the hardness of your hearts.”
What did Jesus mean by that clause, “because of the hardness of your
hearts”?
It doesn’t take any degree in theology or bible studies to know
exactly what Jesus meant. Even little children understand the
difference between living in the Promised Land and wandering around
out there somewhere in
the Desert of Sin. When spouses freely choose to and do get
themselves into the position that they detest each other so much
that they decide it is impossible to breach the divide they have
created in their marital relationship, this “hardness of heart”
is what makes divorce necessary, not only according to Moses…but also, if
you just listen to them, a whole lot of Catholics as well as most
members of every other Christian denomination.
And so, when the Church asserts its teaching that divorce is not
permissible under any circumstance, all of those people dig their
heels in, thrust their swords forward to assert their opinions, and
name call anyone who would have the audacity to defend Church
teaching which, by the way, happens to be based upon what Jesus
taught: “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits
adultery against her; and if she divorces her husband and maries
another, she commits adultery.” Leaving absolutely no wiggle room,
as Moses did, Jesus slams the door shut on the question of divorce,
whether all of those people like it or not. Divorce is for
those who are hard of heart—whose hearts are hard and stone cold as
rock—Jesus says, and that
must not include
my disciples.
Unfortunately, that is normally where the discussion—if that’s what
it’s to be called—of this important religious matter ends. There’s
lots of grumbling as the combatants walk away, probably with one
side detesting the other more than before the discussion had
started. Having been in Moses’
position more than a few times but always teaching what Jesus taught,
here’s
what
I have overheard others say about what I believed were my valiant efforts
to preserve marriages by encouraging dueling spouses to overcome
their hardness of heart: “That Fr. Jacobs is an
ignoramus. He doesn’t really believe that stuff. He’s just saying
it because he has to.” “The Church allows divorce, Fr. Jacobs knows
that. The Church just doesn’t call it divorce and only grants a
divorce after extorting thousands of dollars from people, unless of
course you happen to have the last name of Kennedy.” “Fr. Jacobs is
just like all of those other priests and bishops. They’re so
hypocritical, sanctimonious, and holier-than-thou with their
arrogant and condescending attitudes. Jesus didn’t treat anyone
that way.”
I said “unfortunately” to describe how this discussion ends because,
as people of faith, we are to use scripture to help us understand
better what we believe as it applies in the complex and existential
realities of our lives and, in this context, our marriages. We
don’t start the discussion by saying “I don’t believe what Jesus
said”—after all, he did say divorce is to violate God’s law—and then
proceed along our merry way to whip up others who will support our
opinions. No, as people of faith, we begin by saying “I believe
what Jesus taught, but I ask ‘What does that mean in light of the
circumstances in which I find myself?’ That is what I need to
understand better.” That is called
“informing your conscience.”
Moses allowed divorce, Jesus said, “because of the hardness of your
hearts.” Jesus then demanded much more: not allowing our
hearts to become hard so that divorce is the only and perhaps
inevitable solution to problems that spring up in all marriages,
even good, strong, and holy marriages. What God intended in and
from the beginning, Jesus teaches, is that “the two become one
flesh.” This does not mean solely to procreate children, because in
the beginning when God created man and woman from man, there were no
children. No, “the two become one flesh” means that the man and
woman would overcome all of the differences that would crop up in
their marriages and keep them from becoming one. In this way, they
experience ever-greater union of mind, heart, and body. They
become “one flesh,” that is, a “communion” of two that makes them
one. This is what God intended in and from the beginning. This is
what no human can divide…unless the hearts of spouses become so hard
they are no longer willing to accept this teaching.
Viewed in this way, divorce is a human invention that validates the
hardness of heart which, in turn, makes it possible for a husband
and a wife to conveniently avoid having to ask themselves, “What has God intended in and
from the beginning that provides the answer to the very serious
problems we are experiencing in our marriage?” Viewed in this way,
divorce reduces a spiritual communion based upon mutual love and
fidelity to a physical union based upon a contract, rendering
irrelevant and disinvited the third party to every marriage, God—the
Creator of marriage—whose prior rights aren’t
even
considered. Viewed in this way, divorce is a game of the same type
that teenagers play with curfews, that students do with open book
tests, and that we do with speed limits: bending the rules or
looking for reasons to justify how a particular rule doesn’t apply
to us which, of course, implies that we already know what the rule
is!
Jesus allows for none of this games playing because the issue isn’t
about curfews but the prior rights of parents; the issue isn’t about
open book tests but the prior rights of teachers; and, the issue
isn’t about the speed limit but the prior rights of police officers.
All of that games playing represents hardness of heart that has
nothing to do with God’s law and everything to do with human mental
creativity to avoid fulfilling God’s
law.
As this regards marriage, all of this games playing takes a
sacramental ritual—whereby God consecrates the man and woman whom
God has chosen from before creation to become one—and views this
moment as the start of a titanic struggle to determine which of the
two will emerge as the one who will rule the other. Jesus wants
anyone who views marriage this way to feel extremely uncomfortable.
Yes, there are many Catholics I know of personally who have divorced
or are in the process of divorcing. In every instance, I have told
every one of them that the only reason they have grown to abhor and
detest each another so much is because they actually do love each
other. But, their pride simply won’t allow them to admit this fact
and free them from the fetters binding them so that they won’t
(they can, but freely choose not)
to work through their
marital problems and to build an stronger, more loving and holy
marriage. Instead, their hardness of heart becomes the driving
force of their lives, making it all but impossible to be reasonable
from a spiritual point of view. Thinking only divorce will bring
happiness again, they fail to consider what they are doing to their
souls where the unction of God’s power of reconciliation is the only
power capable of healing what hopeless humans would divide. And,
all creation is worse off because instead of opening the door to the
possibility of experiencing the Promised Land, those who divorce
exile themselves to live in the Desert of Sin, always hoping for
what could be but never will be due to their hardness of heart.
Jesus came to announce the “Good News” that liberates people from
sin not to make people happy. In fact, those ensnared by sin don’t
want to hear what Jesus teaches because what he requires is purity
of heart and, in this case, a heart that believes in, accepts,
understands, and acts on what God has intended for man and woman in
and from the beginning. There is no cutting corners, no bending of
the rules, and no justifying how God’s law doesn’t apply in my
circumstances whether I like it or not.
In light of today’s extremely high rate of divorce, people should
feel very uncomfortable because Jesus is repulsed by the idea that
love of God would be understood to allow anyone to divorce the
“flesh of my flesh, and bone of my bone.” Yes, this is a very hard
teaching and one that is extremely difficult to accept especially
when spouses find themselves in the stranglehold of hardness of
heart and venturing out into the Desert of Sin. But, this teaching
is one that little children understand very well. After all,
whenever parents announce that they are getting divorced, it isn’t
very long before even the youngest of children will ask the very
logical question, “Why won’t my Mommy love my Daddy?” or “Why won’t
my Daddy love my Mommy?” The answer that Jesus gives in today’s
gospel is simple: “hardness of heart.”
St. John Chrysostom said that discussions about important religious
matters should be kept out of public bars
and discussed only when both parties are sober as judges because he
knew all too well how difficult it is to maintain proper perspective
as feelings collide with what is required. Arguably, nowhere
is the standard of sobriety more important than when it comes to
discussing the topic of divorce. It really doesn’t
matter how anyone feels but what God intends. In and from the
beginning,
God did not intend for marriage to be a
concession to human weakness. No, in and from the beginning God’s intention is for man and woman to find their completion and
happiness in each other. In and from the beginning, God did not intend for marriage to be an agreement of convenience subject to
the personal whims and fancies of a man and a woman. Created by God
from before the beginning and intended by God for each other, no one
can separate what God has joined. What human
beings can do, however, is to allow the power of evil to do this…as they
freely invite evil and its defining signature, chaos, into their
lives and marriages.
Jesus forbids all of this and does not tolerate any
games allowing it, even if Moses did allow for divorce: “Whoever
divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her;
and if she divorces her husband and maries another, she commits
adultery.” No if’s,
and’s, or but’s about it, unless the bible is not God’s inerrant
word.
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HOMILY
