There’s a television commercial I’ve now watched several times.
It’s been running for about a month now and perhaps you’ve seen it
yourselves. The commercial unfolds outside of a hospital’s
maternity ward, with the camera focusing upon a young father who is
gazing upon his first-born for the first time laying in a basinet
inside of the nursery. The young father is standing out in the
hallway, gazing upon his first-born through the nursery’s glass
windows. The young father then takes out his 4G iPhone or Droid,
snaps a photo, and with a heart full of pride shows the photo to the
janitor, who happens to be walking past. The voiceover states:
“Today you go from being ‘Dude’ to ‘Dad.’”
I suspect that every father present this Father’s Day can
recall those emotions as they coursed through your body when you
beheld your first-born child for the first time. Like the young
father in the television commercial, you may not have known it at
the time, but when you gazed upon your first-born for the first
time, you became open and vulnerable to the infant and his or her
being. You opened yourself to that infant at the deepest level of
your being—the level of your divine vocation as a “father”—and, by accepting that first-born into your life, God
was present to you and entrusted you with becoming something more than what comes by nature,
Dude, being a “bio-Dad.” At that moment, with God and your
first-born child having entered into the deepest level of your
being, God entrusted you with a ministry—the ministry of fatherhood,
of being an “abba-Dad” (“abba” meaning “spiritual father”)—which
would require you to form yourself in God’s
image
and devote a lot of your time forming your first-born as one of God’s beloved
sons or daughters. This is what it means to be a
“Dad,” spiritually speaking.
Our culture today embraces “bio-Dads.” Emphasizing the work
aspect of the marriage-family-work triad, these Dudes take
great pride in their work, competence, and
expertise. Defining their meaning in life in terms
of accruing all of the material things
they want and providing their children all of the material things
they want, “bio-Dads” can be heard saying (whether aloud or
in the silence of their hearts, it matters not), “Look at everything I have
achieved and have given you.”
While a “bio-Dad” expresses one aspect of fatherhood, this aspect
comes from nature and is shared by all Dudes. Notice, too, how in this expression of fatherhood, it’s
always all about gazing upon “me” and what “I” do. Or, worse yet,
when perchance a “bio-Dad” is at home in the evening, he spends his
time sprawled out on the couch or in his Lazy Boy chair gazing upon a mammoth LCD or plasma television screen.
This approach to fatherhood is not
about gazing intently upon one’s
children, of becoming open and vulnerable to them and, along with
God, considering what one’s
divine vocation requires at that moment.
There is no true self-sacrifice in the sense of self-giving.
The self-sacrifice—all
of that work which “bio-Dads” perform—is
for the purpose of accruing for oneself all of the material things
one wants as well as providing one’s children all of the material
things they want. Lest we forget, however, these fathers also
create a “You Owe Me” obligation. Way to go, Dude!
This minimalist view of fatherhood shortchanges what is more
important and quite likely most significant in the life of every human being, namely,
a “bio-Dad” who strives to be an “abba-Dad.” These fathers have a rock-solid
relationship with God in all three aspects of the
marriage-family-work triad (and in that order) and seek to do God’s will in all things,
especially, in raising with their wives the children God has entrusted to
their ministry. Their sole desire in life is that their
children will grow in grace and wisdom before God and humanity, as
Jesus did. To be an
“abba-Dad”
requires a great deal of courage, namely, the courage to let one’s
love of God and neighbor rule one’s mind, heart, and soul. The cost
is worth it, however, because absent an “abba-Dad,” children do not
live and grow in the truth that their lives are entirely dependent
upon God for everything. Way to go, Dad!
Sadly,
“bio-Dads” whose marriage-family-work triad is unbalanced inflict
inordinate moral and spiritual damage upon their children. In some
boys, the damage evidences itself in poor socialization—boys and
young men who identify with what used to be called “bad characters”
which means boys and young men having no virtue—and poor grades in
school. For other boys, the damage evidences itself as they turn in
upon themselves in anger. Some become violent, others abusive, and
yet others become obsessed with everything but what virtue
requires. For some girls, the damage evidences itself as they troll
for boyfriends who happen to be just like their “bio-Dads.” For
some other girls, the damage evidences itself as they turn in upon
themselves, in a vain attempt to understand why their fathers don’t
love them. Some become bulimic; some become anorexic; others become
both. Yes, these men are the fathers of their children,
“bio-Dads.” But, because these fathers are obsessed with
themselves, their children have no father who is capable of relating
to all of what his children are feeling in their minds, hearts, and
souls. These men are as replaceable in the lives of their children
as light bulbs are in a lamp. Way to go, Dude!
In contrast to all of those “bio-Dads” whose lives are unbalanced,
when a father keeps the marriage-family-work triad in proper
balance, he can become an “abba-Dad” who has no fear of gazing upon
his children and letting them enter into his mind, his heart, and his
soul in such a way that he continuously redefines what his divine
vocation requires of him today, right here and right now. This gaze, rooted in love of God and neighbor, enables this father to provide
his children the formation they need to live each day as God’s
beloved sons and daughters. Available to their children,
“abba-Dads” are like a light bulb in the dark of night which
attracts moths, just as Jesus
“draws
all people unto himself.” Interestingly, what attracts the
children of these
“bio-Dads”
to their fathers is the holiness through which they reveal the God
who has made His dwelling place in them and speaks through them. “Abba-Dads” also willingly sacrifice
themselves to assist their children to mature in grace, in holiness,
and in wisdom so that they, too, will love God and neighbor in their
lives, just as Jesus sacrificed himself for the salvation of all
people. Way to go, Dad!
Today’s
scripture readings are especially appropriate for
celebrating Father’s Day.
The first reading relates the
consequences of sin, especially the heartbreak—the mourning—which occurs when a father looks back upon his life and realizes the total, absolute,
abject
failure he was for having failed in his divine vocation. Nothing
more than a “bio-Dad,” this Dude has transmitted nothing of true
and lasting value to his children. The prophet Zachariah speaks of
this realization and the lamentation it brings to this failure of a
father: the grief of
having lost one’s future, of one’s hopes dashed, and one’s
dreams unfulfilled. All these Dudes can do is to lament their
sinful self-centeredness and cry out, as we heard the Psalmist pray:
“My soul is thirsting for you, O God.” What father would ever
want to come to that end? Sadly, many today are headed in that
very direction.
Then, in the gospel, the sacrifice
Jesus speaks of is one that “bio-Dads” are unwilling to make for
their children. Jesus’
words
ring hollow for these Dudes: “If
anyone wishes to come after me, he must deny himself and take up his
cross daily and follow me. For whoever wishes to save his life will
lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it.”
To be an “abba-Dad” requires “pouring oneself out” for one’s
children, just as Jesus did for the many.
In sum, today’s
readings from scripture remind fathers
about where self-centeredness and self-absorption—the antithesis of
love of God and neighbor—can lead them. Surely, this is no
place where the fathers who are gathered here today wish to find
themselves!
Unfortunately, our culture embraces “bio-Dads” and in this
context, most of these Dudes find themselves so busy working that the
marriage-family-work triad becomes unbalanced. Attempting to
stay afloat and to cope with
everything, something eventually has to give and all too many Dudes today
lament finding themselves having too little time for the
marriage-family part of the triad, devoting as they do so much time
to the work part of the triad. To realize this is a moment of
grace! But, sadly, what can be a moment of grace and
salvation only further ensnares “bio-Dads” in the trap of an
unbalanced life where work takes precedence to marriage and family,
evidencing itself as these Dudes come home from work so tired and
worn out that the best they can do is to lie down on the couch all evening and on
weekends gazing intently upon a
television screen. Way to go, Dudes!
On this Father’s Day, I challenge every father in this congregation
to ask himself: How long has it been since I have gazed upon each of
my children as I gazed upon my first‑born that very first time,
becoming open and vulnerable to each of them, accepting them as they
are into the depths of my being, and allowing God transform me in that moment into
an “abba-Dad”? Undoubtedly, it takes time and persistence to
keep the marriage-family-work triad in balance in one’s life.
But, the bottom line is that being an “abba-Dad” requires
sacrificing a lot of time each and every day to gaze upon your
children, to reflect prayerfully upon what God has entrusted to your “ministry,” and
what God is
asking you to sacrifice for each and every one of them.
As the
television commercial voiceover reminds us:
This Father’s
Day,
it’s time to stop being a “Dude” and to become an “abba-Dad.”
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