topleft05.jpg (18208 bytes)HOMILY
The Twelfth Sunday in Ordinary Time (C)
Fathers Day
20 June 10
 


 

There’s a television commercial I’ve now watched several times.  It’s been running for about a month now and perhaps you’ve seen it yourselves.  The commercial unfolds outside of a hospital’s maternity ward, with the camera focusing upon a young father who is gazing upon his first-born for the first time laying in a basinet inside of the nursery.  The young father is standing out in the hallway, gazing upon his first-born through the nursery’s glass windows.  The young father then takes out his 4G iPhone or Droid, snaps a photo, and with a heart full of pride shows the photo to the janitor, who happens to be walking past.  The voiceover states: “Today you go from being ‘Dude’ to ‘Dad.’”

I suspect that every father present this Father’s Day can recall those emotions as they coursed through your body when you beheld your first-born child for the first time.  Like the young father in the television commercial, you may not have known it at the time, but when you gazed upon your first-born for the first time, you became open and vulnerable to the infant and his or her being.  You opened yourself to that infant at the deepest level of your being—the level of your divine vocation as a “father”—and, by accepting that first-born into your life, God was present to you and entrusted you with becoming something more than what comes by nature, Dude, being a “bio-Dad.”  At that moment, with God and your first-born child having entered into the deepest level of your being, God entrusted you with a ministry—the ministry of fatherhood, of being an “abba-Dad” (“abba” meaning “spiritual father”)—which would require you to form yourself in God’s image and devote a lot of your time forming your first-born as one of God’s beloved sons or daughters.  This is what it means to be a “Dad,” spiritually speaking.

Our culture today embraces “bio-Dads.”  Emphasizing the work aspect of the marriage-family-work triad, these Dudes take great pride in their work, competence, and expertise.  Defining their meaning in life in terms of accruing all of the material things they want and providing their children all of the material things they want, “bio-Dads” can be heard saying (whether aloud or in the silence of their hearts, it matters not), “Look at everything I have achieved and have given you.”

While a “bio-Dad” expresses one aspect of fatherhood, this aspect comes from nature and is shared by all Dudes.  Notice, too, how in this expression of fatherhood, it’s always all about gazing upon “me” and what “I” do.  Or, worse yet, when perchance a “bio-Dad” is at home in the evening, he spends his time sprawled out on the couch or in his Lazy Boy chair gazing upon a mammoth LCD or plasma television screen.  This approach to fatherhood is not about gazing intently upon one’s children, of becoming open and vulnerable to them and, along with God, considering what one’s divine vocation requires at that moment.  There is no true self-sacrifice in the sense of self-giving.  The self-sacrifice—all of that work which “bio-Dads” perform—is for the purpose of accruing for oneself all of the material things one wants as well as providing one’s children all of the material things they want.  Lest we forget, however, these fathers also create a “You Owe Me” obligation.  Way to go, Dude!

This minimalist view of fatherhood shortchanges what is more important and quite likely most significant in the life of every human being, namely, a “bio-Dad” who strives to be an “abba-Dad.”  These fathers have a rock-solid relationship with God in all three aspects of the marriage-family-work triad (and in that order) and seek to do God’s will in all things, especially, in raising with their wives the children God has entrusted to their ministry.  Their sole desire in life is that their children will grow in grace and wisdom before God and humanity, as Jesus did.  To be an “abba-Dad” requires a great deal of courage, namely, the courage to let one’s love of God and neighbor rule one’s mind, heart, and soul.  The cost is worth it, however, because absent an “abba-Dad,” children do not live and grow in the truth that their lives are entirely dependent upon God for everything.  Way to go, Dad!

Sadly, “bio-Dads” whose marriage-family-work triad is unbalanced inflict inordinate moral and spiritual damage upon their children. In some boys, the damage evidences itself in poor socialization—boys and young men who identify with what used to be called “bad characters” which means boys and young men having no virtue—and poor grades in school.  For other boys, the damage evidences itself as they turn in upon themselves in anger.  Some become violent, others abusive, and yet others become obsessed with everything but what virtue requires.  For some girls, the damage evidences itself as they troll for boyfriends who happen to be just like their “bio-Dads.”  For some other girls, the damage evidences itself as they turn in upon themselves, in a vain attempt to understand why their fathers don’t love them.  Some become bulimic; some become anorexic; others become both.  Yes, these men are the fathers of their children, “bio-Dads.”  But, because these fathers are obsessed with themselves, their children have no father who is capable of relating to all of what his children are feeling in their minds, hearts, and souls.  These men are as replaceable in the lives of their children as light bulbs are in a lamp.  Way to go, Dude!

In contrast to all of those “bio-Dads” whose lives are unbalanced, when a father keeps the marriage-family-work triad in proper balance, he can become an “abba-Dad” who has no fear of gazing upon his children and letting them enter into his mind, his heart, and his soul in such a way that he continuously redefines what his divine vocation requires of him today, right here and right now.  This gaze, rooted in love of God and neighbor, enables this father to provide his children the formation they need to live each day as God’s beloved sons and daughters.  Available to their children, “abba-Dads” are like a light bulb in the dark of night which attracts moths, just as Jesus draws all people unto himself.”  Interestingly, what attracts the children of these “bio-Dads” to their fathers is the holiness through which they reveal the God who has made His dwelling place in them and speaks through them.  “Abba-Dads” also willingly sacrifice themselves to assist their children to mature in grace, in holiness, and in wisdom so that they, too, will love God and neighbor in their lives, just as Jesus sacrificed himself for the salvation of all people.  Way to go, Dad!

Today’s scripture readings are especially appropriate for celebrating Father’s Day.

The first reading relates the consequences of sin, especially the heartbreak—the mourning—which occurs when a father looks back upon his life and realizes the total, absolute, abject failure he was for having failed in his divine vocation.  Nothing more than a “bio-Dad,” this Dude has transmitted nothing of true and lasting value to his children.  The prophet Zachariah speaks of this realization and the lamentation it brings to this failure of a father: the grief of having lost one’s future, of one’s hopes dashed, and one’s dreams unfulfilled.  All these Dudes can do is to lament their sinful self-centeredness and cry out, as we heard the Psalmist pray: “My soul is thirsting for you, O God.”  What father would ever want to come to that end?  Sadly, many today are headed in that very direction.

Then, in the gospel, the sacrifice Jesus speaks of is one that “bio-Dads” are unwilling to make for their children.  Jesus’ words ring hollow for these Dudes: “If anyone wishes to come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.  For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it.”  To be an “abba-Dad” requires “pouring oneself out” for one’s children, just as Jesus did for the many.

In sum, today’s readings from scripture remind fathers about where self-centeredness and self-absorption—the antithesis of love of God and neighbor—can lead them.  Surely, this is no place where the fathers who are gathered here today wish to find themselves!

Unfortunately, our culture embraces “bio-Dads” and in this context, most of these Dudes find themselves so busy working that the marriage-family-work triad becomes unbalanced.  Attempting to stay afloat and to cope with everything, something eventually has to give and all too many Dudes today lament finding themselves having too little time for the marriage-family part of the triad, devoting as they do so much time to the work part of the triad.  To realize this is a moment of grace!  But, sadly, what can be a moment of grace and salvation only further ensnares “bio-Dads” in the trap of an unbalanced life where work takes precedence to marriage and family, evidencing itself as these Dudes come home from work so tired and worn out that the best they can do is to lie down on the couch all evening and on weekends gazing intently upon a television screen.  Way to go, Dudes!

On this Father’s Day, I challenge every father in this congregation to ask himself: How long has it been since I have gazed upon each of my children as I gazed upon my first‑born that very first time, becoming open and vulnerable to each of them, accepting them as they are into the depths of my being, and allowing God transform me in that moment into an “abba-Dad”?  Undoubtedly, it takes time and persistence to keep the marriage-family-work triad in balance in one’s life.  But, the bottom line is that being an “abba-Dad” requires sacrificing a lot of time each and every day to gaze upon your children, to reflect prayerfully upon what God has entrusted to your “ministry,” and what God is asking you to sacrifice for each and every one of them.

As the television commercial voiceover reminds us: This Father’s Day, it’s time to stop being a “Dude” and to become an “abba-Dad.”

 

 

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