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A few years ago, the U.S. Marine Corps' recruitment slogan was “The toughest job you will ever love.” For today’s Solemnity of the Holy Family, I’m going to borrow the slogan and edit it just a bit: “Be a holy family…the toughest job you will ever learn to love.” In almost any era, it’s tough to be a spouse and a parent. It’s also tough being a child. But, unless spouses, parents, and children learn to share the vision and possess the goal of being a holy family and of making the decisions required to achieve fulfill that vision and achieve that goal each and every day, then being a holy family will be the toughest job we will learn not to love but to hate. What does it mean to “be a holy family…the toughest job you will ever learn to love”? Our scripture readings today provide instructive guidance: From the Book of Sirach: · “God sets a father in honor over his children; a mother’s authority he confirms over her sons.” When the vision and goal is to be a holy family, the lesson is simple for every child: do for your father and your mother what honor requires. Do what’s honorable, not just what’s convenient. For those who are children: That’s the toughest job you will ever learn to love. From the Letter of St. Paul to the Colossians: · “Put on…heartfelt compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience, bearing with one another and forgiving one another….And over all these put on love….” When the shared vision and goal of every spouse, parent, and child is to be a holy family, the lesson couldn’t be clearer: don’t set yourself up as either judge or jury. Instead, give the other members of your family a break. To every member of every family: That’s the toughest job you will ever learn to love. · There’s also this gem which many wives today dismiss out-of-hand as completely irrelevant: “Wives, be subordinate to your husbands.” It’s the word “subordinate” that raises the hackles because, after all, women are supposed to be equal to their husbands, no? So, before tuning me out as some sort of knuckle-dragging Cro-Magnon or Neanderthal, let me ask a question: If your husband truly loves you and if you truly love your husband, why would you fear being subordinate? Is it because your marriage isn’t a holy and living sacrament—of complements who strengthen each other—that the word “subordinate” sets off the alarms? To those who are wives: This is the toughest job you will ever learn to love. · If that’s not enough, there’s this gem which immediately follows “Wives, be subordinate to your husbands.” It’s one that many husbands today would rather avoid learning: “Husbands, love your wives, and avoid any bitterness toward them.” Listening to the way some husbands talk in private about their wives, the inevitable conclusion—judging solely by the words that flow forth of the mouths of these husbands—is that God instituted marriage to compel men to grow up. Much of this “bitterness” is a result of selfishness and not loving, honoring, and obeying their wives. To those who are husbands: This is the toughest job you will ever learn to love. · So many children today want to avoid this gem, “Children, obey your parents in everything.” I’ve added the emphasis because so many children today obey their parents only when it’s convenient. What these children forget is that obedience almost always is inconvenient. It’s sort of like your Moms having to be subordinate! To those who are children: This is the toughest job you will ever learn to love.
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And, Dads, don’t forget this gem: “Fathers, do not provoke your
children.” No doubt about it: You are the Alpha male in the house.
No one contests this. So, why do so many Dads today need to prove to everyone
in the house (and sometimes beyond) that they are the Alpha male by engaging their children
in silly little power games which lead only to great
distress for these Dads and their wives and children as well? To those who are
Dads: This is the toughest job you will ever learn to love. In short, if the shared goal is to be a holy family, wives, husbands, and children must put love of each other ahead of love of self. Then, too, let’s not forget this gem from the Gospel of Matthew: · (a paraphrase) “Fathers, listen to your dreams and do as God requires so that through your children, the prophets’ words will be fulfilled.” Wow! Now, there’s a stunner! Dads must listen to God and do what God requires of them. How many Dads today actively consult God—through prayer, reading scripture, or consulting the Catechism of the Catholic Church— in order to determine what they must do as Dads before making a decision about what they are going to do? To those who are Dads: This is the toughest job you will ever learn to love.
In sum, today’s scripture reminds every spouse, parent, and child that translating the vision and goal of being a holy family into a real holy family involves real costs which include pain, suffering, and sacrifice. Perhaps it’s good that scripture reminds us of these things today because they are not the kinds of things many of us appear to be very willing either to acknowledge as priorities or to make priorities. We pretend, instead, that having a good and solid family life exacts no cost. Marriage and family life is supposed to be just like the Walton’s—where spouses, parents, and children co-exist in endless bliss. But, as every one of us knows, that’s the stuff of fanciful dreams, not the stuff of being a holy family. All of that raises for our consideration today a very important question: Why is it so hard for so many of us to acknowledge the cost that we must pay if we are to be holy families? Might the answers to that question explain why there seem to be so few holy families today? At least part of the reason why it is so hard for so many of us to acknowledge this cost can be explained in terms of what’s called “family loyalty.” Spouses, parents, and children can tear each other down and rip each other to shreds when no one else is around. But, from a very early age, most of us have learned that it’s best to keep the family’s dirty laundry safely out of sight. So, although most of us know at an intuitive level that just about every member of every family confronts most, if not all of the same challenges each of us confronts, we keep up a very brave front in public when it comes to our family’s difficulties in being a holy family. It feels all “so natural,” no? The problem is that what feels “natural” oftentimes is easy, but it is just as oftentimes not right. Most of us are easily swayed by our emotions and our character defects as well as what our culture tells us is acceptable simply because “everybody is doing it.” And, then, we make decisions not respectful of our nature as children of God who have been created in God’s image and likeness. For many of us, it sometimes takes years, if not decades, before we come to the awful realization that many of the decisions we made as spouses, parents, and children a very long time back were completely irresponsible. What could have been a holy family crash landed, sometimes leaving no survivors except those of us who now bear terrible weight of a heavy burden of guilt we could have avoided if we were but willing to bear with a little bit of pain, suffering, and sacrifice long before the tragedy occurred. This is precisely what our scripture readings remind us about today. That is, when it comes to being a holy family, what is moral is going to be extremely challenging. When we recognize that the very nature of a holy family includes a real cost—pain, suffering, and sacrifice—we can then understand that being a holy family is not a problem to be solved, but a rich and powerful and sometimes painful mystery that we should reverence, embrace, and prioritize. It’s sort of like buying a pair of new shoes which we like very much but we need to break in before the shoes become comfortable. That said, let me also suggest there is something else which causes many of us today not to acknowledge the connection between being a holy family and the pain, suffering, and sacrifice achieving that goal requires. All of us expect that being a holy family should be natural, and because it should be natural, we expect that being a holy family should also be a relatively easy goal to achieve. Correlating what is “natural” with what is “easy,” however, is a temptation—one as old as Adam and Eve—except that the media, pollsters, and many cable television talking heads have raised that correlation in this generation to the level of a cultural norm. We are told: “If it feels good, then just do it.” But, never forget the corollary proposition: “If it doesn’t feel good, then stop trying.” Odd as it might sound, let me suggest today that we should take a clue from those who would rather that spouses, parents, and children not be holy families. What is that? Some of the brightest people in our nation make bucket loads of cash trying to convince us that “easy” is the good, natural, and right thing to do. They would have us believe that “challenges,” and especially the tough and difficult ones like being a holy family, must be avoided at all costs. We may be unwitting victims, but how many of us are impulsive shoppers because we trust neither our impulses nor that little voice within that sounds the alarm: “You don’t need that,” or “Not right now,” or “You had better take a little time to think about it”? For those of us who wish to be holy families, what is natural is not “what is easy” but “what is right.” What is right is consistent with our nature as God’s sons and daughters, each of whom has been created in God’s divine image and likeness. The difficulty, of course, is that we oftentimes don’t want to recognize the correlation between what is natural and what is right when making decisions about what it means right here and now if, as spouses, parents, and children, we actually are going to be a holy family. It is much easier to avoid acting on what our culture believes are harsh, negative, unkind, tried-and-true moral principles. When we seek to respect life, we are called intolerant and insensitive. When we challenge people to respect their sexuality and to discipline its expression, we are called uncaring moralizers. And when we seek to defend the traditional family, we are called bigoted and discriminatory. Why should we persist in advocating what is right? Because, if we are to be holy families, then we must decide to do what love requires—the right thing—which is oftentimes the painful thing. While pain, suffering, and sacrifice sometimes can provide an indication that something is fundamentally wrong, the pain, suffering, and sacrifice associated with the cost of being stretched, of growing, of addressing the challenges that being a holy family requires, makes working to be a holy family genuinely worth doing. “Being a holy family…the toughest job you will ever learn to love.”
A brief
commercial break... As Catholics, one way to celebrate the Christmas season can also serve as a great catechetical tool. The popular song "The Twelve Days of Christmas" is usually viewed as simply a nonsense song for children with secular origins. However, some have suggested that it is a song of catechesis , perhaps dating to the 16th century religious wars in England, with hidden references to the basic teachings of the Catholic faith. As such, the song provided a mnemonic device to teach the catechism to young people. The "true love" mentioned in the song is not an earthly suitor, but refers to God Himself. The "me" who receives the presents refers to every baptized person who is part of the Catholic faith. Each of the "days" represents some aspect of the Catholic faith that was important for young people to learn...not only during the Reformation era but today, too! So, here's how to do this: Assign each of the 12 days to family members. Then, each evening as the family gathers for dinner, sing the appropriate verse(s) for the day. After singing the verse, have the family member assigned to that day describe the symbol and its religious significance. Praying the devotional for each day reinforces the symbol and its meaning. As the 12 days continue and the number of catechetical lessons increase, have different family members recall the meaning of each symbol. (I have borrowed what follows from Dennis Bratcher's website, "The Twelve Days of Christmas.)
(Click on each picture below to go to a devotional for that day)
On the 1st day of Christmas my true love gave to me...
A Partridge in a Pear Tree The partridge in a pear tree is Jesus the Christ, the Son of God, whose birthday we celebrate on December 25, the first day of Christmas. In the song, Christ is symbolically presented as a mother partridge that feigns injury to decoy predators from her helpless nestlings, recalling the expression of Christ's sadness over the fate of Jerusalem: "Jerusalem! Jerusalem! How often would I have sheltered you under my wings, as a hen does her chicks, but you would not have it so . . . ." (Luke 13:34)
On the 2nd day of Christmas my true love gave to me...
Two Turtle Doves The Old and New Testaments, which together bear witness to God's self-revelation in history and the creation of a people to tell the Story of God to the world.
On the 3rd day of Christmas my true love gave to me...
Three French Hens The Three Theological Virtues: 1) Faith, 2) Hope, and 3) Love (1 Corinthians 13:13)
On the 4th day of Christmas my true love gave to me...
Four Calling Birds The Four Gospels: 1) Matthew, 2) Mark, 3) Luke, and 4) John, which proclaim the Good News of God's reconciliation of the world to Himself in Jesus Christ.
On the 5th day of Christmas my true love gave to me...
Five Gold Rings The first Five Books of the Old Testament, known as the Torah or the Pentateuch: 1) Genesis, 2) Exodus, 3) Leviticus, 4) Numbers, and 5) Deuteronomy, which gives the history of humanity's sinful failure and God's response of grace in the creation of a people to be a light to the world.
On the 6th day of Christmas my true love gave to me...
Six Geese A-Laying The six days of creation that confesses God as Creator and Sustainer of the world (Genesis 1).
On the 7th day of Christmas my true love gave to me...
Seven Swans A-Swimming The seven gifts of the Holy Spirit: 1) prophecy, 2) ministry, 3) teaching, 4) exhortation, 5) giving, 6) leading, and 7) compassion (Romans 12:6-8; cf. 1 Corinthians 12:8-11)
On the 8th day of Christmas my true love gave to me...
Eight Maids A-Milking The eight Beatitudes: 1) Blessed are the poor in spirit, 2) those who mourn, 3) the meek, 4) those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, 5) the merciful, 6) the pure in heart, 7) the peacemakers, 8) those who are persecuted for righteousness' sake. (Matthew 5:3-10)
On the 9th day of Christmas my true love gave to me...
Nine Ladies Dancing The nine Fruit of the Holy Spirit: 1) love, 2) joy, 3) peace, 4) patience, 5) kindness, 6) generosity, 7) faithfulness, 8) gentleness, and 9) self-control. (Galatians 5:22)
On the 10th day of Christmas my true love gave to me...
Ten Lords A-Leaping The ten commandments: 1) You shall have no other gods before me; 2) Do not make an idol; 3) Do not take God's name in vain; 4) Remember the Sabbath Day; 5) Honor your father and mother; 6) Do not murder; 7) Do not commit adultery; 8) Do not steal; 9) Do not bear false witness; 10) Do not covet. (Exodus 20:1-17)
On the 11th day of Christmas my true love gave to me...
Eleven Pipers Piping The eleven Faithful Apostles: 1) Simon Peter, 2) Andrew, 3) James, 4) John, 5) Philip, 6) Bartholomew, 7) Matthew, 8) Thomas, 9) James bar Alphaeus, 10) Simon the Zealot, 11) Judas bar James. (Luke 6:14-16). The list does not include the twelfth disciple, Judas Iscariot who betrayed Jesus to the religious leaders and the Romans.
On the 12th day of Christmas my true love gave to me...
Twelve Drummers Drumming The twelve points of doctrine in the Apostles' Creed: 1) I believe in God, the Father almighty, creator of heaven and earth. 2) I believe in Jesus Christ, his only Son, our Lord. 3) He was conceived by the power of the Holy Spirit and born of the virgin Mary. 4) He suffered under Pontius Pilate, was crucified, died, and was buried. He descended into hell [the grave]. 5) On the third day he rose again. He ascended into heaven, and is seated at the right hand of the Father. 6) He will come again to judge the living and the dead. 7) I believe in the Holy Spirit, 8) the holy catholic Church, 9) the communion of saints, 10) the forgiveness of sins, 11) the resurrection of the body, 12) and life everlasting.
Epiphany, January 6 (celebrated in the United States on Sunday, January 2)
Participating in this catechetical activity during the Twelve Days of Christmas, the entire family can learn about and recall the basic elements of the Catholic faith.
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HOMILY
