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When someone
we love dies—even if that person is elderly and the death “makes sense”
because “quality of life” has eroded to the point of existing in a
nursing home hooked up to feeding tubes and the like—we experience
considerable pain as feelings of sorrow, longing, and confusion flood
into our hearts. The feeling of sorrow gives expression to the loss of
one we love. The feeling of longing gives expression to the desire we
have that the one we love remain with us always. The feeling of
confusion bespeaks our lack of assurance concerning what lies beyond the
grave.
As these
feelings swirl within the secluded privacy of our hearts, we find
ourselves not knowing exactly what to do, what to say, and how to act.
Even if we are able “pull it” all together for a moment or two, just
below the surface, those feelings swirl around unchecked and sometimes
cause us to “lose it.”
With those
feelings swirling around in our hearts, we experience the grief and
chaos that the reality of death inject into the middle of our
comfortable lives. Confronting this harsh reality—the sadness,
emptiness, guilt, and perhaps even the anger that are so characteristic
of grief and chaos—challenges us to chart a clear direction in our
lives…but we know it will now be without the one we love. To deal with
this grief and chaos, we gather today as a family and as a faith
community to pray, to console, to support, and to encourage one another
with words—the words of faith—which give us hope…but we do so aware that
the one we love is no longer here with us.
For
Christians, God reveals Himself in words, like the words of Scripture
we’ve just heard proclaimed. “I am the resurrection and the life;
whoever believes in me, even if he dies, will live, and everyone who
lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?” Jesus
asked Martha. God has revealed Himself most definitively in the Word
made Flesh and dwelling among us, God’s only begotten Son, Jesus
Christ. “Do you believe this?” Jesus asks us today.
As one of
Jesus’ disciples, Genevieve Rita Andres believed that God has revealed
Himself in words and especially in the Word made Flesh, God’s only
begotten Son, Jesus Christ. So much so, I’d assert, that Aunt Gen took
proclaiming the word to the ends of the earth as her personal mission.
Now it’s no
secret among any of us that Gen was a woman of many, many words. She
loved to talk, so much so that I am willing to swear on a stack of
Bibles that Aunt Gen could talk not only while exhaling—like you and
me—but also while inhaling, especially when uttering the phrase, “Well,
I mean….”
The past two
weeks, I’ve asked some people to share with me some of those many words,
what I called “Gen’s Gems.” I had to laugh, of course, when Kathy and
Cookie told me that most of their “Gen’s Gems”—along with Larry’s and
Billy’s—couldn’t be told inside of church. So, we’ll let those stories
wait for the luncheon. However, there are a few “Gen’s Gems” I believe
are not only “fit” but appropriate for telling inside of church. These
“Gen’s Gems” give us insight into her life and the tradition of life and
of faith she taught and has passed down to us as a beloved sister,
mother, grandmother, great-grandmother, aunt, and friend.
As a woman
of faith, did Gen ever talk with you about her faith, if not in a few
words perhaps in the way she lived her faith?
The
Sacrament of Marriage and family life were central to Gen’s faith. And,
let me assure you, Gen loved being married!
It was only
a few years after her first husband, Bill, died, that Gen met Joe
Eisenkohl. I think Gen was 70 years old at the time. Eventually, they
married which, of course, made Billy, Cookie, Larry, and Kathy
ecstatic. Finally, their Mom would have someone else to talk to. Or,
so they thought at the time!
What I
remember most about that wedding ceremony was how Aunt Gen behaved worse
than an excited young bride. She was so excited and happy to be getting
married! True to form, Gen talked and talked and talked during the
entire ceremony…to Joe who was trying to be very devout and pious but,
at the same time, Joe had to listen to Gen because she kept pulling on
the right arm sleeve of his elegant black tuxedo. During the exchange
of vows, I finally had to turn off the microphone and lean in toward the
septuagenarian bride and say, “Okay, Aunt Gen, would you just shut up
for one minute so Uncle Joe can exchange vows with you?”
Gen so much
believed in the Sacrament of Marriage and so loved being married that
she believed the Church is absolutely wrong for not allowing priests to
marry. She thought it was a shame that so many good looking young men
would not have wives and children. You might not know this, Fr. Bill,
but years ago when you were a young priest serving on your “first tour
of duty” here at St. James, Aunt Gen commented not only to me but for
all around us to hear, “Geez, what a waste.” Interestingly, I don’t
know if Aunt Gen ever said that about me, although she did encourage me
throughout the seminary years to leave and get married. In retrospect,
maybe she had the Church’s best interests at heart!
Concerning
her firm belief in family life, Gen was extremely proud of the fact that
she had 12 great-grandchildren. As she entered her eighties, however,
sometimes “Grandma Peek-a-Boo” couldn’t remember the names of her
grandchildren and great-grandchildren. But, despite the memory lapse
she would always say, "Look at all those beautiful kids!” Then, she’d
shake her head to-and-fro, adding, “And to think that I started all
this.” Yes, she was the matriarch.
Jenny,
Jamie, and Becky, I promise not to sing “My Mom gave me a nickel to buy
a pickle…I didn’t buy a pickle, I bought some chewing gum” or to tell
you about the “Jewish coffee” he brewed so well. Did you ever notice
that your Grandmother would sit there and laugh as if it was the first
time she ever sang that song or told that stale, old joke?
Gen was also
adamantly opposed to lay ministers of the Eucharist. On many an
occasion, Gen would ask me why the church allows laypeople to distribute
communion and, after patiently explaining the reasons and listening to
her rebuttals, Aunt Gen would tell me yet once again that she wouldn’t
ever take communion from a layman (or lay woman). When I asked her why,
Aunt Gen responded: “You know what they do with their hands!”
Incredulous, I asked: “What's that, Aunt Gen?” To which she said, “It’s
disgusting. You don’t need to know.”
One Sunday,
the hosts distributed at communion were thicker, having a texture more
like that of hors d’oeuvres crackers than wafers. When Gen and Kathy
returned back to their pew following communion, Gen said to Kathy,
“You'd think they would at least give you some cheese with those Ritz
crackers.” The trouble was, as we all know, that wherever Gen made her
opinions known, it was always with a stage whisper.
Did you
notice something in these particular “Gen’s Gems”? This was a woman who
lived and practiced her Catholic faith. She upheld the dignity of the
Sacrament of Matrimony (twice) and participated in the Eucharist
weekly. But, there’s more…
Gen also
made us all very aware that she had no interest whatsoever in growing
old. But, if God was going to give her those Golden Years—which God
did—she didn’t ever want anyone to think that she was old. For example,
when Gen and Kathy would go to the nursing home to visit Auntie Sis, Gen
would race down the corridors to Sis’ room as if Gen was in some sort of
contest. When Kathy once asked her Mom about this sudden burst of
speed, Gen exclaimed, “I don't want anybody to think that I belong
here!” Did you notice that Gen was visiting her infirmed
sister-in-law? In the old Baltimore Catechism, that was the
fifth of the seven corporal works of mercy. And, that’s the point—we
can do good things and still be very human!
Then, there
was what I called “the mysterious toe-touching exercise” that I didn’t
quite understand until Kathy finally explained it to me. How many of us
wondered what Gen was up to when she’d come into a room and begin
touching her toes? “See!” she’d proudly state, “I can still touch my
toes.” It was Gen’s way of trying to demonstrate that she was still
vibrant even if she wasn’t young any more.
If you
haven’t already done so, when you have a moment look very carefully
through your old photographs of Gen. Did you ever notice that she never
allowed a photograph to be taken unless it was posed? The minute Gen
detected the presence of a camera in the room, she would strike a pose,
looking like Elizabeth, the Queen of England. All of us at some point
have teased Gen about being vain and I know some of us have imitated her
posing for pictures. Interestingly, Gen wasn’t offended when we did
so. She’d just laugh! After all, she was posing for her holy cards!
In fact,
when we buried Gen’s cremains this morning at St. Mary’s Cemetery in
Buffalo Grove, the container holding the cremains was rectangular and
the contain was set upon the grave with the widest part of the rectangle
set across the grave. Larry said perhaps best what was running through
my mind, “My Mom was probably thinking, ‘Geez, I wonder if this
container makes me look fat.’ ”
Gen also had
definite opinions about politics and her words make it very clear that
Gen was an extremely partisan Democrat. She truly believed that every
story concerning the alleged infidelities of Democratic Presidents was
invented by partisan Republicans. One reason Gen was such a partisan
Democrat, I believe, was because she concluded at some point early in
her life—perhaps it was during the Great Depression—the Democratic party
cared the most about society’s downtrodden.
That makes
sense to me because Gen was such an extremely hospitable woman. Never
did a holiday pass by when Gen would invite all sorts of non-family
members—remember Rocky and Gert whom many believed were long lost
relatives—to share holiday meals. If anyone dared ask, “What are they
doing here?” Gen would countenance no such thought. “For cripes’ sakes
almighty,” she’d say, “they’re here so they won’t be alone on a
holiday.” For Gen, the discussion ended there because it was an article
of faith. As the Book of Proverbs told us, “The God-fearing woman is
open-handed to the downtrodden and generous to the poor.” Gen practiced
her faith.
Perhaps my
favorite of “Gen’s Gems” has nothing to do with religion or politics,
but it has very much to do with her love of words. One day, Gen was
tending bar at Bill’s Inn and she got into a long conversation with
someone seated at one end of the bar. Gen was so immersed in the
conversation that she forgot about her customers at the other end of the
bar. Try as they did, the guys just couldn’t get Gen’s attention. So,
they eventually called her from the pay phone to order another round of
drinks.
Have you
noticed hope is engendered as we listen to the stories about the one we
love who has died? While I was telling those stories, did you notice
the burden of loss being lifted as Gen becomes more present to us in
death than ever before? As we tell these stories, we sort out our lives
and memories, so that we can decide which ones we want to hold onto and
which ones we need to let go of. This isn’t an easy task, of course,
but is an important one if we are to experience the hope that will
enable us to make sense of what appears to be “the end” of life but is,
for people of faith, “a transition” to new life. “Life is changed, not
ended,” Scripture assures us. But, we first have to embrace the reality
that death must first consume one form of life if we are to embrace a
new form of life in the communion of the saints.
Over the
years, we’ve all watched as macular degeneration and the loss of memory
robbed Gen of the unique qualities which made her a beloved woman. At
the same time, however, Gen didn’t allow these debilitating diseases to
succeed in depriving Gen of her dignity, charm, or her interest in
others, especially her children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren.
Let me
conclude with a quote from none other than Gen herself. It’s not the
quote she oftentimes stated when a conversation would end somewhat
awkwardly. When that happened, she’d say: “Well, on that happy note….”
No, this quote is that of Gen’s last words…only four words, if you can
believe that! As was customary during Gen’s last years, Kathy would
take her Mom home after dinner. They’d have to take the dog, Minnie,
along for the ride and, of course, Minnie would sit or stand on Gen’s
lap. Then, after arriving at Gen’s house on North Hickory Avenue, Kathy
would unlock the door, hang up the keys on the rack, and wait for Gen to
turn on her bedroom light and turn down the bed. Before Kathy would
leave, she would give her Mom a kiss and say, “See you tomorrow.” Gen
would reply, “The good Lord willing.” That were Gen’s last four words,
uttered the night before Kathy and Scott found Gen unconscious the next
day.
The Book of
Proverbs reminded us:
Charm is a
delusion and beauty fleeting;
It is the
God-fearing woman who is honored.
Extol her
for the fruit of all her toil,
And let her
labors be what bring her honor
in the city gate.
Today we
honor the labors and tell the stories of Genevieve R. Andres—beloved
sister, mother, grandmother, great-grandmother, aunt, and friend—so that
we can engender hope for her and four ourselves in the eternal life won
for us through the death and resurrection of our Lord, Jesus Christ.
Will Gen be
missed? Yes, absolutely. We already miss her and will continue to miss
her until the day when God’s creative power brings our hope to
fulfillment, that very hope engendered by Jesus’ words to Martha:
“Whoever believes in me, though he should die, will come to life.”
Until that day, Gen’s words are those of St. Paul: “The lessons I taught
you, the tradition I have passed on, all that you heard me say or saw me
do, put into practice; and the God of peace will be with you.”
V.
Eternal rest grant unto
Gen, O Lord.
R.
And let perpetual light
shine upon her.
V.
May Gen’s soul and all
the souls of the faithful departed rest in peace.
R.
Amen. |
HOMILY
