For kitchenophiles only

For kitchenophiles only...volume I

What follows is the first volume of kitchen gadgets The Motley Monk has found in the marketplace along with some of The Motley Monk's sometimes slightly irreverent commentary.

Item: eco-friendly storage containers

The Motley Monk's cousin, Cookie Stewart, has alerted The Motley Monk to an "eco-friendly" way to store perishables, like nuts, dried fruits, and the like. This handy gadget utilizes bottle tops from used plastic bottles.

Here's how the gadget works:

Using a scissors, bread knife, or electric knife, cut through the plastic bottle at neck of the bottle. This severs the bottle top from the bottle.

Then, insert the top of the plastic bag containing the perishables through the container's now-severed neck. Pull the top of the plastic bag down around the container's top and seal the bag with the container's screw top.

The container is now air-tight and the perishables will last longer.

Ingenious, no?

The Motley Monk has found this gadget works very well with liquids, like tomato sauces and soups. One caveat: if using this gadget to freeze liquids, leave sufficient room for the liquid to expand for the plastic bag will break.

Item: funnel

There's nothing The Motley Monk hates more than having to fill an empty pepper grinder (or the empty paper towel holder or the empty toilet paper holder). Yes, the taste of fresh cracked pepper (especially four or five peppercorn mix) can't be beat. Yet, the work of getting those peppercorns into the grinder without having some of them end up on the countertop or on the floor and rolling all over the place, including under the blender, refrigerator, or stove, is nothing short of a royal pain and test of patience.

But, worry not! The Motley Monk found a kitchen gadget that puts an end to this patience-testing problem once and for all.

This plastic funnel was attached to one of those sometimes bothersome "You need one of these" gadget advertisements extending from a shelf at the local grocery store. They tend to obscure the items that The Motley Monk wants to examine and some of them threaten to poke out The Motley Monk's eye. Sometimes, The Motley Monk thinks these advertisements should be outlawed. But, then, that would be to regulate the market, no? (Pardon the pun.)

This particular advertisement immediately caught the attention of The Motley Monk because it was a smallish plastic funnel, wide at the top (three inches) and with a screw-top bottom that can be attached to most regular-sized bottles. Better yet, the base can stand on top of a container that doesn't have a screw top. And, best of all, the price was right: just 99 cents!

So, The Motley Monk purchased one of the funnels and has had it available for use ever since.

As was the case this particular day, just when The Motley Monk needed to add some fresh cracked pepper to the salad dressing he was making, the pepper grinder was empty! (Of course, The Motley Monk had no one to blame but himself!) But, with this handy-dandy funnel, filling the pepper grinder was a breeze. Just set the funnel on top of the pepper grinder, hold it with the right hand, and pour the peppercorns into the grinder until full.

There's something else that recommends this particular funnel. Even if too many peppercorns are poured into the funnel, just tip the funnel and pepper grinder sideways over the peppercorn contained. Et voíla! No spillage!

Now, how much easier can it get?

The Motley Monk highly recommends this gadget for all kitchenophiles.

Item: pasta makers

Genuine Italian cooks always use fresh ("homemade") pasta unless they are so pinched for time that they must use dried ("store bought") pasta.

The benefits of fresh pasta are numerous: much lighter and tastier, cooks faster, yields better "pasta water," and certainly is more nutritious since no preservatives are added.

The downside is that making fresh pasta takes a bit of time and is somewhat labor intensive. The pasta dough has to be made at least one hour before processing it so that it can "rest" in the refrigerator, meaning the gluten in the flour begins to work its magic. Processing fresh pasta also requires a bit of experience and, depending upon the type of machine used, some heavy-duty, sweat-producing labor.

Even with those downsides, The Motley Monk always makes and uses fresh pasta whenever feasible.

But, what about the pasta machine? With so many types available, generally categorized as "motorized" and "non-motorized," , what is the most cost-effective and labor-efficient machine?

After studying many pasta making machines over the years, The Motley Monk settled on and uses two, both made by the Italian pasta machine maker, Atlas Marcato. The quality and construction of each machine is excellent.

The first machine, the "Atlas Marcato (Original) Pasta Machine," is excellent for making spaghetti, fettucini, papperdelle, tagliatelle, and lasagna noodles. The Motley Monk suggests using this machine to learn how to make basic pasta recipes and get used to the process of making pasta.

The Motley Monk likes the Atlas Marcato (Original) Pasta Machine because it is extremely easy to use and clean up. The stainless steel construction will last a lifetime. Specialized attachments and a motor can also be purchased.

The second machine, the "Atlas Marcato (Manual) Pasta Extruder Regina," is really good for making specialty pastas, like spaghetti, vermicelli, fusilli, gemelli, bucatini (elbow macaroni), penne rigati, rotini, tortiglioni, ziti, and rigatoni. Working with this particular machine involves a bit of a learning curve because not all pastas are extruded exactly alike. Moreover, cranking the pasta through the extruder requires getting everything positioned correctly. But, once the "hows" and "whats" are in order, the extruder's product is excellent.

"Ms. Regina," as The Motley Monk calls his pasta extruder, is made of plastic. The design is simple to disassemble and easy to clean. Because Ms. Regina is a manual machine, making pasta can be quite a work out.

All of the effort is well worth it, because the pasta is excellent. In addition, all of the exercise it took to make the pasta will have burned off enough calories so that the cook can eat a lot of pasta, entirely guilt free.

The cooked fresh pasta Chicken a la Gino's served on a bed of fresh pasta

A couple of notes:

Use the "slow" (clockwise) setting to extrude the pasta.
Whether using the slow or fast setting, crank backwards a bit to stop the flow of the pasta before cutting it.
Cleaning the machine presents some challenges. While the machine is easy to disassemble and reassemble, cleaning out the nooks and crannies takes some time, patience, and have plenty of wooden skewers on hand (or toothpicks with a pointed and flat end). Once skewer per cleaning is required. The Motley Monk suggests not using metal skewers as they will scratch the plastic.
Keep cranking the pasta dough until all of the dough has passed through the extruder. Otherwise, clean up will include throwing away some pasta dough that could have been made into more pasta.

Specialty attachments for mixing dough and grinding meat can be purchased separately.

Item: adult bibs

No doubt about it, infants require bibs since a goodly portion of the meal dribbles from their mouths and lips in a downward trajectory, sliding from chin to stomach to lap, where it all comes to rest. That is, unless (or until) Mom scoops it all up and the meal starts its trek all over again. Eventually, infants eat most of the meal.

But, what about the infirmed, the elderly, and the just plain old sloppy? When they are guests and the meal is dribbling from their mouths and lips in a downward trajectory, sliding from chin to stomach to lap, where it all comes to rest, what is one to do? No problemo!

Leave it to American entrepreneurial ingenuity, specifically Davida who sells and ships items through "Think Jewish." What does Davida purvey? Gold and silver lamé adult bibs! A blogger put me onto these.

For "convalescent diners" (and I have dined with many of them), The Motley Monk believes this item is a real winner. First: it is not bulky and folds to the size of a pocket handkerchief. Second: the semi-elastic neck opening is spacious and does not curl up, nor does it cause itching. And, better yet, it won't choke the person wearing it. Third: the large sized hook and loop fasteners make putting the bib on and taking it off pretty easy and straightforward. Fourth: the bib is large enough to cover the most chests and is long enough to cover most torsos. Some have even attested that the bib spreads easily, rests gracefully upon the torso, and is so light that a convalescent diner will forget that he (or she) is wearing it.

So, when you have a convalescent diner as a guest, have him (or her) don one of these lamé adult bibs. Then, go ahead and serve spaghetti with lots of sauce, juicy medium rare hamburgers, pulled pork with homemade root beer barbeque sauce, and stews with gobs of gravy. The lamé adult bib will do the job!

That presents a fifth reason why The Motley Monk believes this bib is a real winner: clean up is as easy as 1-2-3. Simply immerse the blighted bib in soapy, slightly warm water overnight. The next morning, rinse and hang the clean bib on a hanger to dry in the laundry room. Presto! A clean, fresh bib ready for use by another convalescent diner in a short time.

But, what about all of those non-convalescent diners who have a propensity to dribble their meals from their mouths and lips and, in a downward trajectory, you spy all of this sliding from their chins to their stomachs and to their laps, where everything comes to rest, unless of course, it lands on the floor and those non-convalescent diners smoosh everything together into a mess and, then, proceed to grind it all into the rug or floor?

Surely, this doesn't just happen with some guests to HIH II!

How is a conscientious host or hostess to broach this subject gingerly to non-convalescent guests?

Well, this presents some tactical problems...

The Motley Monk does not recommend pointing out the offensive behavior and imposing a lamé adult bib around the neck of the non-convalescent diner. Likewise, The Motley Monk does not recommend making a joke out of it by pointing out to non-convalescent diners their inability to keep the meal in their mouths and then offering a wetted sponge to wipe off their chins, chests, abdomens, and laps, as one would do to an infant. And, in retrospect, The Motley Monk does not recommend doing what he and four other Motley Monks once did: purchase a ceramic pig and award it once each week to the monk who is the genuine "Pig of the Week."

Instead, The Motley Monk recommends forgetting about using cloth or paper napkins altogether. Go online and purchase ten of these lamé adult bibs. Once the bibs arrive, fold them nicely, place one at each table setting, and after saying grace, don one yourself! Your guests will take their cue from you and, likely amid much merriment and mirth, you won't have to resort to the other, more dastardly options identified above!

For a little fun following the meal, compare the lamé adult bibs and, then, award the ceramic pig!

Luckily, the need for adult Depends® for the incontinent has not yet arisen at HIH II, although The Motley Monk has a great story about a time when they were needed.

Item: finger protectors

This gadget is deceptively alluring. What kitchenophile doesn't want to protect one's fingers from injury while slicing?

Of course no kitchenophile wants to slice one's fingers with a knife blade! But to spend $$$s to protect one's fingers? Think about this: speed. That little finger protector keeps the product from being advanced by the fingers as one slices!

A proposed solution:

All that is required is to curve one's fingers inward a bit (forming a "c"), positioning the fingernails (washed first, of course) on the product, turning the blade on an angle just a bit away from one's fingers, and resting the tip of the blade on the fingers...et voila! Using a back and forth and up and down motion (resembling how wheels on a steam-powered mechanical train are turned), the fingers advance the product as the blade slices. It is virtually impossible to slice a finger. With practice and patience, speedily so and saving $$$s.

Item: plastic bacon racks for the microwave

Another inane gadget for the unwary kitchenophile! Why spend $$$s on a plastic bacon holder for the microwave? Yes, microwave bacon is easy to make, and every bit as good as when made in a frying pan (see my trick below).

A proposed solution:

Why not just wrap the desired number slices of bacon in paper towels? Cooked for the proper amount of time (it takes some experimentation, of course), the paper towels soak up the rendered bacon fat, and the slices come out nice and flat and straight as an arrow...all for minimal $$$s.

Here's how to do it:

When I purchase bacon, I open the package and divide it into stacks of three pieces of bacon (the amount I like to accompany my three poached eggs and one Wolferman's English muffin). That is my post-Mass Sunday breakfast/brunch/lunch, depending upon what time I finished with my last Mass. I wrap each stack of three pieces of bacon in plastic wrap and freeze the stacks for use, as desired. To cook the bacon in the microwave:

place one stack in the microwave for 30 seconds (to soften);
remove the bacon from the microwave and from the plastic wrap (to separate);
place the bacon on one piece of paper towel, all three pieces placed adjacent to the other on one half of the paper towel;
cover the bacon by folding the other half of the paper towel over the bacon;
do the same with a second piece of paper towel, folded in half in the opposite direction
place the bacon in the microwave; and,
microwave the bacon on high for 2 minutes and 40 seconds.

Try it and the bacon will be perfect. If you like your bacon cooked a little more crispy, increase the cooking time by 10 seconds. And, always use Wolferman's English muffins. They're available online. Make the bacon first and while the eggs are poaching, toast the English muffin.

Item: pineapple tools

This is a truly moronic kitchen gadget. Take a good look at this thing! It requires that a kitchenophile first cut the top and bottom off of the pineapple. The kitchenophile must then ram the device down the center of the pineapple to remove the core and, once it pushes through the opposite end, the cutters spring into action (remember: technology is seductive). Then, grab hold of the pineapple (don't grab too hard or you may need to wrap your hand in bandages!) and twist. What does the kitchenophile get? A spiral of pineapple that can be into the desired length.

Now, the reason this particular gadget is so moronic is that nothing slices a pineapple better than the serrated bread knife that is already sitting in the kitchenophile's knife drawer or block. (A serrated knife was probably used to cut the top and bottom off of the pineapple so that this moronic kitchen gadget could be used and the serrated knife is sitting in the sink waiting to be cleaned.)

A proposed solution:

To cut a pineapple with a serrated bread knife:

cut the top and bottom off of the pineapple (makes a stable bottom);
slice the sides off of the pineapple in approximately 2 inch slices as close to the pineapple's skin as possible to remove as little pineapple as possible;
when the pineapple's skin is removed, slice the pineapple in half from top to bottom and halves into quarters;
stand each quarter upright and, slicing downward, remove the core, leaving as much pineapple on the pineapple as possible; and,
align quarters, slicing one-half inch pieces.

Easy to slice. Easy to clean up. And uniformly sliced pieces of pineapple that are great to eat! All without spending any $$$s on that moronic gadget.

Item: environmentally-friendly aluminum can crushers for recycling

For fans of The Motley Monk who are into recycling, here are two gadgets to aid in crushing aluminum cans for recycling.

The gadget on the left is affixed to the wall so that the lever is at eye level. Pull down et voila...a crushed can. A warning: be sure to attach this gadget to a stud or the first time you attempt to crush a can, you'll have to replace the plasterboard and repaint the wall. A second warning: don't pull too hard on the lever or you may throw your latissimus dorsi or deltoid out or irritate a pectoral or trapezius muscle.

The gadget on the right is designed for absolute morons. To unsuspecting kitchenophiles, this cute plastic frog appears harmless enough and, to crush a can, you don't even need to be wearing a shoe! How could life be better or easier for kitchenophiles who are into recycling? Well, consider this: do you really believe that you can generate enough leverage to crush a can using a plastic device that looks like a frog? Or this: have you ever tried to crush an aluminum can without a shoe on? Come now!

A moron will purchase one of these frogs, attempt to crush a can, find that the gadget doesn't work as advertised, and then, really try to crush the can. The additional force exerted will destroy the device and, sans shoe, a kitchenophile may end up in the emergency ward with a broken foot or ankle and co-pay! Perhaps the physician will even accuse the unwary kitchenophile of murdering a defenseless frog and file a report with the environmental police who, in turn, will charge the unwary kitchenophile with being an absolute moron.

By the way, don't toss the broken gadget away because the frog is made of plastic and will last 1000 years in a landfill.

Item: table setting placemats

Call me an aesthete, but why is it that young people today aren't being taught how to set a table properly? Is it because the deconstructionists believe that properly setting a table represents an ideology of power that exploits the oppressed classes?

I was taught how to set a table by the St. Katherine (KY) Dominican Sisters in "Christian Manners Class" in the seventh grade at Our Lady of the Wayside Catholic School. We used a book that explained everything we needed to know if we were going to exude some character and class as rich, powerful, and exploitative Catholic adults. I am proud to understand what Christian propriety requires, whether it represents an oppressive ideology or not.

Well, for those who agree with me that taking a seat at a properly set table is to be honored by the host or hostess and not a form of oppression on the part of the "have's" over the "have not's," here is the "gadget" of gadgets: a table setting placemat!

It's instructional as well as practical for kitchenophiles of all ages! For parents, this is a great way to teach your children how to set a table. Kitchenophiles should purchase a set of these placemats because I don't believe they teach Christian manners class any more in elementary schools today, even parochial schools.

Item: various types of forks

My sister and brother-in-law gave me a "spaghetti set" one Christmas for a gift. The fork has a rounded end on the center tine and the oversized tablespoon has a matching indent in the center of the tablespoon where the center tine rests. "Rolling up" the spaghetti is a simple as "one, two, three." I always enjoy using those utensils when I serve spaghetti and guests to HIH II think them quite unique, if not exquisite! Hyacinth Bucket (remember: that's "Bouquet") would be proud to use them at one of her executive candlelight suppers!

Below are two variations on that theme.

The picture on the left presents what appears to be an "improvement" over a traditional fork. The unsuspecting kitchenophile understands that "spaghetti slippage" is not a good thing and the fork on the right with those wicked looking tines appears to be an improvement. But, stop for a minute and think: when you are eating spaghetti, how do you get it off of that fork once you've placed it inside of your mouth? A Google search reveals that this fork is no longer available. Wonder why? The Motley Monk says, "Caveat emptor."

The picture on the right appears to be a genuine improvement over the fork on the left. But, kitchenophiles beware! That shortened tine can cause real damage to your mouth! Imagine impaling your right cheek at a wonderful dinner party as you attempt to slurp that spaghetti through your mouth and into your gullet! Another trip to the emergency room for stitches and another co-pay. I wouldn't be surprised if this product is removed from the market very soon, too, after some lawyer finds out about it and files a class action lawsuit on behalf of all those people who've injured themselves using this alleged "utensil." Once again, The Motley Monk says, "Caveat emptor."

The truth be told, a regular fork and tablespoon works just as well for The Motley Monk when he eats or serves spaghetti!

Then, there's this new addition to the insanity of spaghetti forks.

No true kitchenophile would countenance purchasing one of these, although The Motley Monk does possess a "retractable fork." My sister gave it to me as a "stocking stuffer" one Christmas and I immediately used it on my niece, Gretchen, and have used it on other unsuspecting people on many subsequent occasions. There's nothing quite like pulling this fork out of my shirt pocket, unretracting the fork, and reaching across the table to take food from another person's place. The incredulous look on their face is one thing. But, when I actually take their food and eat it, the stupefied look on their face is nothing short of astounding!

The Motley Monk won't even comment on these two forks. Each speaks for itself:

Then, there's this pizza fork!

This fork may be a real "winner" for kitchenophiles. Imagine not having to use a steak knife to cut through crunchy pizza dough! Just roll the slicing edge of this fork over a piece of fresh, warm pizza, and presto! Use the fork to savor the flavors and aroma before chowing down!

Well, before kitchenophiles get too excited about this particular gadget, why not just pick up the piece of pizza in your hand and enjoy eating it like the people in New York City eat their pizza slices?

This pizza fork pushes Christian manners and propriety a bit too far for the preferences of The Motley Monk.

Then there are two interesting forks.

The "finger fork" seems a bit too barbaric for The Motley Monk. Place it on your index finger and dig in! Perhaps this might work well for digging out a nose, but not for eating a meal in the presence of civilized people!

The "Swiss Army" fork depicted on the right appears to be the perfect fork for serious campers, which The Motley Monk definitely is not.

Item: cherry pitters

When making a cherry pie or even just eating some freshly-picked cherries, this is a "can't live without" for serious kitchenophiles.

Just place your cheery pitter into your gadget drawer and leave it there until you need it.

Also: if you don't have one of these gadgets, remember to purchase a large sized cherry pitter because you can also use it to pit olives. Stuff those babies with garlic, jalapeño, or prosciutto for a great snack alongside adult beverages. Furthermore, given the litigious society we live in today, be careful: a guest's tooth broken on a cherry or olive pit can become a big-time lawsuit! Trust The Motley Monk: "Better safe than sorry!"

Item: olive oil dispensers

Taking a first glance at this particular gadget, unwary kitchenophiles might be tempted to think "Wow! Here's a great way of coating a sauté pan with olive oil...not to much and not too little! I need me one of these!"

Malarkey! No one "needs me" one of these!

Examine the picture carefully. The unwary kitchenophile who has purchased this particular gadget fills it up with olive oil from one's expensive olive oil carafe (stainless steel carafes are best and available at Williams-Sonoma; glass bottles are fine but expose the olive oil to light, shortening its shelf life). So far fine. The unwary kitchenophile then uses the brush top, laden with olive oil, to coat the sauté pan. Once again, so far so good. "I may want me one of these!"

Now, the unwary kitchenophile obviously will not be using all of the olive oil in the plastic container. So, what's the unwary kitchenophile to do?

Option #1: Take the brush top off of both the container and one's expensive olive oil carafe, return the unused olive oil from the gadget to the carafe, and replace the carafe into the cupboard. So, now it's time to clean all of that residual olive oil from the gadget. What a complete waste of time, effort, water and soap, not to mention expensive olive oil! Why not just pour a like amount of olive oil from the expensive olive oil carafe into a heated sauté pan and swirl the olive oil around a few times until it coats the pan? What's so difficult about that?

Option #2: Place the gadget with the remaining olive oil inside of the gadget into the cupboard. Oh come now! No real kitchenophile would ever do this or even countenance doing it. Why? Place the gadget with all of that oil on the brush top into the cupboard and exposed to air? What about the oil becoming rancid before the gadget is used again? And that's to say nothing about remnants of oil dripping from the gadget's brush top, down its sides, and onto the cupboard shelf. Are you really sure that you want to invite maggots into your kitchen? "Cleanliness is next to Godliness" we were taught in Christian manners class. Maggots in a kitchen do not signal of Godliness!

There's a lesson kitchenophiles need to learn from this particular gadget (and from many kitchen gadgets as well). They are designed to appeal to the irrational part of a kitchenophile's psyche by providing an easy solution to a recurring cooking problem. Nothing wrong so far. Human ingenuity is a gift of God! But, the more the unwary kitchenophile thinks about the solution, the more the unwary kitchenophile "wants" the solution. As this desire builds into unbridled lust, the unwary kitchenophile then "needs" the solution so bad that the unwary kitchenophile throws good $$$s after bad $$$s at the solution. Sadly, and normally after only one use of the gadget, the unwary kitchenophile discovers the solution didn't and won't ever deliver what the unwary kitchenophile believed it would and relegates the gadget to the kitchen drawer with all of those other "unused and unwanted" but "never to be tossed out, just in case" gadgets.

Serious kitchenophiles practice asceticism. They don't allow themselves to be schnookered by letting their desires trump their power of reason or $$$ reserves. Only an absolute moron would purchase one of these!

Item: good ideas but completely useless gadgets

Below are a couple of gadgets that, taken at face value, are really good ideas. Unfortunately, they are pretty useless for serious kitchenophiles.

The ketchup holder pictured on the left represents a great idea. How many kitchenophiles have propped ketchup bottles upside down in their refrigerators because the ketchup remaining in the container is difficult to get out of the bottom of the container without beating the container's bottom or pounding the container (upside down, of course) on the countertop? While this appears to be a worthy solution, any serious kitchenophile knows that the water in the ketchup floats to the top and the container needs to be shaken to mix the water back into the ketchup!

After shaking the container to incorporate the water back into the ketchup, The Motley Monk prefers pounding the container (upside down, of course) on the countertop. It works well with mustard, too! Save your $$$s. This gadget is useless.

Any kitchenophile who has made fresh corn chowder or homemade creamed corn knows all too well the challenges associated with removing kernels from a corn cob. The biggest challenge, of course, is to keep the kernels from flying all over the place. The gadget pictured in the middle pretends to solve that problem. Again, a good idea gone awry. How?

Take a very close look at the picture and notice the lady's hands. They are barely touching the gadget and exhibit absolutely no corn milk or bits of kernel adhering to them. In fact, those hands (remember the "Man's Hands" episode of Seinfeld?) appear as if June Cleaver has returned from her weekly appointment at the manicurist while Wally and the Beaver were at school! For that gadget to work, the kitchenophile must exert a goodly amount of force. If the gadget's element is sharp, the kernels should cut away from the cob. But, the kernels will never, ever form a nice, clean mound at the base of the cob like that depicted in the picture. Absolutely and completely impossible. This picture was staged to seduce unwary kitchenophiles. It's the stuff of pure fantasy, like pornography.

The Motley Monk suggests saving your $$$s. Don't purchase this useless gadget. Instead, hold a corn cob from the top, setting it in place in the middle of a wide and deep mixing bowl. Using a sharp knife at a forty five degree angle, don't saw but cut straight down approximately one eighth of cob's surface. The kernels will fall into the mixing bowl below while the mixing bowl will prevent most of the kernels from spraying around. Turn the cob and repeat until all of the kernels have been removed.

Lastly, the picture on the right demonstrates a "grape washing bag." Assuming the strap is rubberized so the grape bag will adhere to the spigot and not fall into the sink, all looks well. All the unwary kitchenophile has to do is pick the grapes from the stems, turn the water on...et voila! Fresh, clean grapes.

But, wait one minute here! What about any residue at the bottom? Also, what about drying those nice fresh and clean grapes? Is the kitchenophile to transform into a centrifuge, as Julia Childs did once when drying her chicken in the pre-salad spinner era, circling round and round the center of the kitchen while spraying water all over the cabinets, refrigerator, oven, floor, and ceiling? This is the stuff of utter silliness!

The Motley Monk's solution? Every serious kitchenophile has a salad spinner. Pick the grapes from the cluster and drop them into the salad spinner. When all of the grapes are picked and resting comfortably in the salad spinner, add water. Using your hand, move the grapes around to loosen any residue. Remove the basket from the spinner and empty the tainted water from the spinner. Repeat for a second washing. Then, after emptying the water from the spinner, return the basket full of grapes into the spinner. Spin the grapes, pour the water from the spinner, and spin the grapes a second time.

Save your $$$s, don't buy this gadget. Utilize the salad spinner you already have.

Item: completely useless gadgets

"A picture is worth 1000 words." What can The Motley Monk possibly add?

"Yikes, don't touch that filthy bottle! Is this sold exclusively in West Virginia or
Do you know how many hands have touched it?" does the human hand really warm MTN Dew that fast?

"Never put an egg crate from the grocery store What is this? Shamu? Or, is it a pig dancing
into the refrigerator! Who knows where it's been?" backward on its hind feet?

"Let's see, what have we here, one half box or Can you see your guests milling around the living room
eight ounces? How much is one portion?" while holding onto one of these during pre-prandials!

"Tea for one... ...tea for two... ...and, a big fat ladle for me!"

I have more kitchen gadgets to post to this blog. If you have other gadgets to add to the collection, forward them to me and The Motley Monk will post them, with commentary, of course!

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